A Day In My Life

Posted on | March 5, 2015 | No Comments

Below is my audition for the sling diaries, volume V1. What's sling diaries, you ask?  It's a photo-documentary that chronicles the art of babywearing and the lives of different families.  I first learned about Sakura Bloom last year while pregnant with Juniper, and quickly fell in love with the beauty, ease, and versatility of the slings as well as the stories each sling diarist at the time shared.  Their words were beautiful yet raw, and I met many amazing mommas through their community.  Thank you to the Sakura Bloom team for this opportunity, as it's inspired me to start writing more which is something that's always been a part of me I hold dear.  The theme for this entry is 'a day in my life.'

My sweet Saplings,

I've missed writing you letters.  This blog is filled with letters to Hazel, and even a letter to Juniper right before she was born (and I guessed she was a he!) so I thought I'd start again.  Hazel, I can't believe you're 3 already, and we'll be celebrating your sisters 1'st birthday in 2 short months.   I want to remember the small details in our life day to day; the sweet synchronicity of mudane daily life and small adventures we create and crave as a family.

I want to remember the little moments of every day.  Hazel, each morning you whisper quietly to your sis and ask her if she is done nursing so you can cuddle her.  After a brief snuggle you both quickly jump into play mode, pretending the the co-sleeper is a boat or the pop-up castle in your room is queen Elsa's ice palace.  Each morning is a different imaginative scenario and I often just sit and listen, taking it all in amazed that your dad and I made both of you.

I want to remember our relaxed mornings.   Since neither of you are in school yet and dad is frequently at work, so we're often slow to get dressed and get breakfast started.  During breakfast we talk about what we'd like to do for the day, and often call your grandma in Michigan to say hello (always call your momma, girls).  A few disagreements on a proper breakfast and a bit of pleading later, we make plans for the day.

I want to remember the plans we make.  One thing you both know about me already -- since day 1 -- is that your mama feels whole in nature.  Generally our daily plans involve going outside to commune in nature, one way or another.   Some days we simply feed the chickens, work in the garden, or go for a walk on the property while other days we head upriver waterfalling or to the ocean if dad and I both happen to be off of work.  I'm thrilled that we can raise you on acreage in the country, and that our favorite river spot is just a few miles from home.  I can already see the connection both of you have to nature, and I only hope to nurture your love and appreciation for all things wild.  There is no better cure for a teething baby or emotional toddler than the ferns and trees, the creek or river our white noise.
I want to remember nap time.  The long naps, the naps on momma, the naps that involve bargaining and lengthy stories or nursing for thirty minutes straight.  The two of you generally take shifts when it comes to rest, something I swear you both must plan (ha, ha!).

I want to remember the excitement when papa gets home.  Hazel, you often run over to dad and immediately start telling him about your day, begging him to pick you up or bring you outside to bug hunt.  Juniper, you squeal and immediately reach for daddy, clapping your hands since it's the newest skill you've learned and are oh so proud of.  Dinner comes and goes, and miss Junie most nights we're left flabbergasted how much more you seems to eat than Hazel.  Perhaps that's what those luscious chipmunk cheeks are all about, my love.

I want to remember bedtime routine.  Long soaks in the tub with giggles that last for days -- a sound I used to dream about in our infertile days, leaving me humbled and ridiculously grateful (even on the not so giggly nights).  We then read books like it's going out of style, and my dear Hazel you never fail to ask for "just one more..."

I want to remember the game we play right before lights out.  Hazel, you love the book 'Guess How Much I Love You' and have come up with your own variation, often telling me "I love you as bright as that light! As blue as my fish! As big as daddy!"  I answer back with something equally clever, a smile on my face as I close your door.  Juniper, you then nurse to sleep or papa wears you to sleep in the carrier.  I'm taking in every last bit of your infancy as you'll soon be entering toddlerhood with a totally different agenda, still needing snuggles but craving independence as well.  You usually drift off to sleep and after a kiss I'm left wondering if your daddy and I can squeeze in a movie before you wake to nurse again (often a sitcom is a safer bet ;)

So there we are, a typical day at our little homestead. There will be a period in my life someday where I will look back and yearn for these sleepless nights, food filled floors, and unscheduled days among the pine.  But for now I will relish in these messy yet full of love days, and I will gleam.

A letter: Baby C, before we meet you

Posted on | April 4, 2014 | 2 Comments

Sweet little soul,

I've carried a tradition of writing to your sister before she was even conceived and throughout her life (see the tag 'letter' below) so I'd like to continue this with you.  There's nothing I love more than reading over her letters & seeing how quickly and much she's grown.  I know it'll go just as quick with you.

It's hard to believe we get to meet you in 2 weeks, give or take!  There's something so different about not knowing your gender this time around, as we found out at 16 weeks with your big sister.  My gut sort of says you're a boy, but I think it's only because we've had a boy name picked out longer.  Hazel tells me that you're her brother, and she tells daddy that you're her sister.  Grandma thinks you're a girl, and your Aunt Jamie thinks you're a boy.  Dad still hasn't made a guess... he's a practical guy and says 50/50.  I bet he's right, haha!


This pregnancy has been very similar, but oh so different at the same time.  Your big sisters pregnancy was full of fear after years of infertility.  On the flip side, you came so easily, an early August wonderful surprise.  Your sister was with me when I took the test on a whim - your dad downstairs visiting with your granddad who had just arrived.  I kept in quiet in front of granddad, as it was very hard to believe!  Your pregnancy has gone very quickly in comparison to the first - chasing a toddler around will do that. It's amazing how much less sleep and relaxation I've gotten this pregnancy, yet I still feel pretty great.  I'm guessing you'll be bigger than Hazel was - she was a mere 6 lb 14 oz - but this time you just feel a bit bigger than you sister was at 37 weeks.  People have asked if you're twins, breech, etc... and the odd comments just keep coming.  If this pregnancy has taught me anything it's what to say (and NOT to say) to a pregnant woman.  For future reference the only thing that's allowed is "you're carrying beautifully" ... :)


Speaking of beautiful, I'm trying to enjoy these last few weeks of being pregnant as it's most likely that last time.  I'm so eager to meet you but at the same time I realize I have the rest of my life to get to know you, and that we'll never be as physically close as we are now.  A friend of mine just had a miscarriage this week, and the raw emotion of loss and infertility came back to me, again making me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have conceived again (this time without assistance).  There is no greater bond than carrying a child, and I am thankful for you and my body.  Too many people take that for granted.


You kick a lot when your sister is loud, and your awake time is in the late evening.  Despite being a maternity nurse for 7 years I still have the hardest time figuring out which body part of yours is sticking out - you always kick back when I touch you, a sweet game I adore.  Hazel loves to touch you, but just as quickly will cover up my belly and say "bye bye" - a habit that can't continue once you're here, haha!  I think you kick and move a lot more than your sister did.  Hazel also loves to call you 'April' and 'Purple' ... yesterday she called you 'Taco' in remembrance of me spilling a burrito all over you the day before (she often tells me I'm a "mess" while pointing at my belly).  She also loves to kiss you good night before naps and bedtime, always making sure daddy does too.


I've been having a lot of practice waves recently, and I feel as if you've already dropped.  I am very excited for your birth - I envision a morning/afternoon birth, home in time for spending the evening with your big sis.  Obviously I know may not happen, but I'm doing hypnobabies again and try to visualize your birth often.  I think it'll be quick, and maybe even a little early.  We'll soon see - I'm happy with anything as long as you're healthy.


I love you already my sweet baby, see you very soon!

Momma

A Letter: 25 months (2 years old!)

Posted on | March 26, 2014 | 2 Comments

My sweet baby Hazel,

I can't help but still call you my baby, despite you turning 2 last month!  Oh how time has flown, I honestly can't believe it.  In the last 6 months since I've written a letter to you you've grown in leaps and bounds, and had so many fun experiences.  You went to Italy (and France) in October, making it a total of 17 planes you've been on since birth.  You did seriously amazing on all six of the flights back and forth, two flights that were 12 hours in length.  Let's hope your sibling is as relaxed and easy as you've been!

Speaking of siblings, you will be a big sister in one month!  We don't know if your baby is a girl or a boy yet, but you more often than not say 'brother' (although you call him 'April' - since we are due in April, a hard concept I know).  You love to read books about being a big sister and taking care of babies, and you still kiss my belly every night.  You've been telling me lately that my belly is "biiiiiiig!" ... that's very true, my dear.

Your language has exploded since about a month before your birthday.  You went from preferring sign language to using full sentences in a matter of weeks, even if your dad and I are the only ones that can tell what your saying half the time.  You love to tell us to "get up, get out!" in regards in getting up in the morning, you say "it happens" all the time in relation to missing the potty or getting hurt.  One hilarious thing that you said recently is - "I took a dump. It stinks. Don't touch it..." I still don't really know where you learned the word 'dump' although I can guess your daddy?  ;) You also have full blown conversations with your various stuffed animals, and like to talk to grandma on the phone.


Since we're on the potty subject, I'm proud to say you're pretty much potty trained!  You still miss a poop here or there, but your great about telling us immediately when that happens.  It completely surprised me as you pretty much independently did it the week before your birthday, and have continued since even through a couple of illnesses.  Way to go, girl!

You recently a fish you named 'Daryl' - where you came up with that name, I'll never know.  You also call the baby Taco, and Purple (in addition to April, as I said above).


You also got your own big girl bed for christmas, and have been doing great sleeping in it with occasional hiccups during illness.  Last week we moved your toddler bed into your own room after keeping it next to our bed for a couple months, and so far you seem to be enjoying having your own space but you still occasionally cry and call for us at night.  That's okay, I'm always here for you ... just maybe cut us some slack and sleep through the night in the next couple months, okay? ;)  Trust me, you don't want to be in our room with a crying and hungry newborn every 2-3 hours - take advantage of that, haha!



You also weaned about a month ago, another independent choice. I was starting to think you'd want to nurse this entire pregnancy and beyond, and I was even open to tandem nursing if you needed it.  But once again you surprised us and peacefully weaned just after your 2nd birthday.  I think there was one time that you whined for just a minute about not getting it, but otherwise you decline and tell me they're for baby.  I have such amazing memories of our nursing experience together, and am so proud to say that you nursed for as long as you did, as I know it'll effect your lifelong physical and mental health.

I'm starting to notice a resemblance in us - I recently put together a picture of me at age 2, and you just a few weeks ago.  We both have sort of a 'stink face' as I like to call it, it makes me giggle.   You have the best expressions!


Some of your favorite toys these days is a stuffed purple monkey you aptly named 'purple ah,' anything pooh bear related, your easel, and books books books!  I swear you could read books with me for hours, paying such close attention to each one.  You continue to love all our animals, being fond especially to the chickens and cats as of late despite the fact they almost always run away from you.  Your birthday party was Pooh Bear themed and you had the time of your life!  You still talk about your birthday and ask when it's coming again.  You also love to hike, climb, swim, paint, color, and basically anything outdoors!

A letter:

Posted on | November 9, 2013 | 3 Comments

Sweet little soul,

Hi there, your momma here (or mommy, as your sister likes to call me).  I've been meaning to give you some quality mom time, an afternoon of chatting about your name or long belly rubs in the bath.  But I must apologize because I am so darn preoccupied these days.  Between chasing your sister, cleaning the house, working, and time with your dad I am usually forgetful of you until you give me a little kick, which is becoming frequent and each time oh so lovely these days.  Will a letter make up for my lack of pregnancy journal keeping like I did last time?  I still love you, oh so much.

You're 17 weeks gestation.  As I mentioned above, you've been giving me actual kicks for about a week, which is 3 weeks earlier than I remember feeling your sister.  I've been feeling your flutters since the first trimester as well.  I'm craving microbrew beer, oddly enough, which makes me wonder if you're a boy (a mini-brad, duh).

Speaking of your gender, we're going to wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl until your birthday!  I was slightly apprehensive at first, but daddy was very sure that's what we'd do.  I'm warming up to the idea and even a bit excited now.

I worry sometimes that I've been bringing too much negative energy in my life in the last couple of months.  I have been prone to anxiety as of late, and am finding it a lot of work to keep some things in my life above water.  The last thing I want is for this to affect you my dear child.  Despite this, you must know that you are loved.  That's all I want to fill you with.

Wait until you meet your sister - she kisses you good night already, and squeals at the sight of any baby these days.  You couldn't have a better role model.

I think you're the final puzzle piece to this family, and I want you to know that I will work harder to stay positive and clear my mind of anxiety and guilt.  Why in the world would I be anxious, when there's such a beautiful thing coming our way?

We can't wait to meet you,

Momma

A letter: 19 months

Posted on | September 16, 2013 | 1 Comment

My sweet baby Hazel,

My oh my, how is it your over a year and a half old?  I look back at your previous letters from time to time, and it truly is amazing how quickly time flies.

You've had quite the summer, and now it's heading into fall.  Throughout the summer you camped quite a bit - in the high cascades, on the high desert Metolius river, on the foothills on the Mckenzie River, and on the coast.  You are still happiest in nature my love.  You also took a trip to Michigan to visit grandma and your Aunt Jamie over the 4th of July, spending every single day being a beach bum. It reminded me of my childhood.  All in all you've been on 12 plane rides since birth!

Your last letter mentioned you were walking everywhere.  Well now, you're running everywhere, and climbing everything.  You're still kind of clumsy (ahem, not a trait of your mothers I swear) and fall down or bonk your head often.  Your pediatrician assured me "we worry about the kids without bruises on their legs!'  That made me feel a lot better.  You got a tricyle  from you nana & grandpa last week, and you're already learning to push the pedals with your feet, despite your legs being just a bit short to move the bike very far.  My oh my how you change everyday!

Your talking a bit, although you still prefer sign language over verbal language.  You have a good dozen or more verbal words you use frequently, but you probably say at least 20-30 signs.  You also love to make animal noises, fart noises (!), and copy us when we cough, sneeze, laugh, etc.  You do a lot of babbling, having full-blown conversations using your own little language.  Oh how I wish I knew what you were saying.

You absolutely love the animals.  Each morning when we let out the dogs and collect eggs, you say "hiii!" and "thank you" to the chickens for their eggs, unprompted - & each time, I melt.  You constantly hug & kiss the dogs, and try to love on the antisocial cats as well.  You don't have a 'lovey' per se, but some of your favorite toys are balls, your wooden kitchen, a stuffed monkey, and a giant pooh bear.  You also LOVE reading - some nights we read a dozen books before bed!  Music is still another fav of yours as well.  You're constantly rocking your head and dancing.  This week you've discovered 'the hokey pokey' and love sticking your belly in and out, then go in circles while giggling uncontrollably.  It's the best thing to witness ever!


You are still a little squirt for your age.  I believe you were 23 lbs at your 18 month well visit, and 31 inches tall.  I think sometimes you look younger than you are, hence the reason you get so many "awwww" and "oh my goodness!" when we're out and about and you're walking, talking, etc (plus you're cute, duh!).

You're eating three meals a day, with plenty of snacks in between.  You got out of your meat phase at about 14 months, and now are loving the carbs (another mom trait).  I still try to give you nourishing food for each meal, but sometimes you just won't have it - I swear your food preferences change day by day!  Some of your favorites are blueberry, corn, banana, pasta, toast, plain yogurt, kefir, chicken, and every so often you'll surprise me by eating veggies.  I will always be there to push the veggies, my love. ;)  You're also nursing still, and show no signs of quitting (nor do you like any other forms of milk).


Sleep.  Oh dear sleep!  You aren't so fond of sleeping soundly since about 18 months.  I think you're a bit frustrated with my low milk supply these days, and you're not filling up your belly as much before bed.  So of course now you want to nurse, nurse, nurse all night long.  I try late dinners, lots of liquids but you're still just wanting mom.  I'm happy to be here for you but want you to get a good nights rest (and me too!).  I think after we get back from Europe next month we'll work together to get you to wean from the boob at night, so we can all be more rested during the day.  Hopefully by the next letter you're sleeping like a baby (ha, ha).



Oh Hazel, I love watching you grow up.

Love,

Your momma (or as you call me while enunciating the 'o', "mom")

A letter: 13 months

Posted on | March 4, 2013 | 2 Comments

Sweet baby Hazel,

My oh my, you are OVER a year old already!  A lot of people in public have been asking me how old you are, and I can't say '13 months,' I've just been saying 'she just turned a year.'  But soon you'll be 14, 15, 16 months.  I know this sounds repetitive but how is that possible?

I wished I had written a letter to you for your 12 month milestone, but the household was busy with your Italian cousins/aunt visiting, and your first sickness.  Yes my dear, you woke up on your birthday with you first fever.  The fever was on and off for a week, you were pretty miserable for two weeks, then your cough lasted the entire month of February!  But my love, you were such a trooper.  On top of having rsv you had your molars come in but you still found time to smile, dance, and cuddle with us.  You've always been such an easy going & happy spirit.

You are also talking up a storm!  You've been saying gus, dog, and dada for months now, but your most recent words are duck, mom, milk (mik), mmmm, cat (dat), chicken (ick), and eddie.  You also howl when we ask 'what does a wolf say?' and smack your lips when we ask what a fish does.  Two of my other favorite things you do is make a 'rarrrr!' sound when we ask what monsters say, and you pant like a dog when we ask what dogs do.  It's simply amazing to see you learn these things in just a matter of a day or two - I am loving this stage, seeing you grow and flourish!


You still love the outdoors and anything to do with animals (why do you think we had a woodland theme for your birthday?).  You hug each of our pets before bed (all while saying "awwww"), and last night you even wanted to hug the new baby chicks.  Often when we are hiking outside you simply squeal with delight in your pack as you look into the forest or the running stream.  Good thing because I think you're in for a lot of outdoor time with a mom and dad like us... :)


You're still a bit of a squirt - you were 19 lbs at your 1 year well visit (20th percentile) and 27 inches tall (10th percentile).  I guess that makes sense since neither your daddy or I are very big!  I think your size makes it even cuter to see you walking around, since you look so young at times!

A letter: 10 months

Posted on | December 9, 2012 | 1 Comment

Sweet baby Hazel,

How is it that you're already 10 months old?  I just looked through your 6 week, 3 month, and 6 month letters and am so floored that you've grown so much in such a short amount of time!  Momma apologizes for not writing a 9 month letter as planned... you keep me busy these days.

Speaking of keeping me busy, boy are you mobile!  You started crawling in September, when you were 7 months old (it was Sept 11th to be exact - like I said in your 6 month letter, moms remember dates).  You learned how to crawl up steps and stairs between 8-9 months, and you've been cruising along furniture for a few weeks now while standing up.  Your doctor thinks you're going to be an early walker - I'm hesitant to agree with her because I see how much you LOVE to be on all fours.


I'd have to guess you're about 19 lbs now (you were 18 lbs at your 9 month appointment, and I think you've grown since then).  You're a shorty at just shy of 27 inches, only the 10th percentile for your age!  I think you'll catch up, but if not that is okay too!  You're wearing 9 month clothes with occasional 12 month stuff, it varies.  You fit in some 6 month onesies still, although the sleeves are pretty short. ;)


You were introduced to solid food at just over 6 months.  You didn't really start liking solids until you were 8 months, but from that point on you LOVE everything we give you.  Some of your favorites are beets (where'd you get that from?), sweet potatoes, egg yolk, broccoli, and plain yogurt.  There really hasn't been anything you've tried that you don't like!  Momma hasn't introduced any grains (besides quinoa) yet but might try some oatmeal soon.  You continue to drink breastmilk every 2-5 hours during the day, depending if it's mom or dad giving it to you (ha ha).


You continue to co-sleep with us.  You have been sleeping great up until the last week or two - waking up without one of us the first few hours when we're still downstairs gets you very sad, and all you want to do is nurse nurse nurse.  I think perhaps another tooth is coming in?  Speaking of teeth, you just got your fifth and sixth teeth about two weeks ago.  Way to grow little squirt.


You had your first babysitting experience at about 8 months so daddy could go to a football game while momma was at work.  You stayed with Aunt Nicki (Sawyer's mom) and had a blast.  She has watched you a few more times since then and you absolutely adore her.  I'm hesitant to leave you with people you've only met a few times, however, you have a bit of 'stranger danger' at times.

You & Aunt Nicki dancing!

Your favorite toys are any and everything that's new and interesting to look at!  Pots and pans, YES.  Blocks, AWESOME.  Cat's ear, EXCELLENT.  Remote controls, WOOHOO.  Seriously kid, you are hilarious!  You especially love musical instruments & watching momma and daddy play them (then checking them out yourself).  You haven't really attached to any toys in particular which surprises me.  Books are fun, but only to chew on!


Some recent great memories are we brought you sledding the other day.  You laughed the whole way down and giggled with delight as Gus-Gus ran alongside you.  Last month your Aunt Jamie came to visit for 9 whole days - you loved every minute with her, and you still squeal when you see her picture come up on slideshows.  You were Yoda for Halloween, and you also spent some time on the ocean for mom & dad's anniversary in September.  You love love love the outdoors!  My sweet, you make life worth living!

Look at that smile on your face!