My excuses for lousy blogging:

Posted on | March 26, 2013 | 2 Comments

I officially started working 'per diem' this week at the hospital - meaning I pick up shifts when & how much I want.  It's great to have the flexibility but also a bit nerve wracking when there isn't particular shifts available!  But if it leads to us having dinner more than twice a month as a family together (Hazel's entire first year), I'm IN!


I start training at the nurse midwifery birth center this week.  I'm especially excited about this since it is the birth center where Hazel was born!  I absolutely love the whole approach birth centers take regarding maternity and labor care, and I feel like this journey is absolutely right for me.  It's going to be a lot of call (24 hour stretches) so that makes me a bit nervous but the excitement overpowers that.

Hazel is walking - no, running - all over the place!  She's finally pretty steady but I still have to watch her every move to avoid constant head bonks.  Hardwood floors and stairs aren't very baby friendly, duh.  Why don't we think of these things when buying/remodeling a house?



We have baby chicks - well, pullets now - they are 5 weeks old this week.  Our remaining four girls are  going to be in for a surprise very soon!  H loves to check on the chicks each day, calling them "ducks" and laughing when they get spooked by her.

I'm planning a trip back home to Michigan in July, with just H and myself.  It's my high school reunion and despite never planning on attending I think it would be nice to see my core group of friends and obviously see my family as well.  I'm already trying to plan the logistics of traveling alone with an 16 month old, however...

I keep wanting to get my raised beds weeded & start planning for gardening but I am slightly apprehensive.  Last year my gardens were embarrassing. I simply didn't put the time into them being a new mom, and we don't get very much sunlight here so what I do get is always lackluster.  Hoping to get more excited about them this year!  Anyone have any good veggies/herbs they recommend for partial sun areas?

We've been getting out to some local hikes here & there, and we've also started geocaching.  We read about the Eugene Cascades & Cost Geotour in our local paper & it's been fantastic getting out to some backdoor hikes & learning the art of geocaching.  Have you tried it?

Back woes

Posted on | October 28, 2012 | 4 Comments

Days like this:

Posted on | August 31, 2011 | 1 Comment

Oh friends.

...

Somedays I would love to quit my job, walk out without even glance in my rearview.  You see, there are highs and lows.  The highs are so high, and the lows are so low.

This weekend was low.  So low that my first day off has become a game.  A silly ruse trying to stay busy in an attempt to keep myself from replaying the unfortunate events and therefore losing my mind.  Guilt, sorrow, confusion, and more guilt at the fact I am dwelling and not focusing on my baby.  This baby needs my positive thoughts, not my negative feelings on something I could not control.

So dear blogging world - how do you leave the unfortunate aspects of work at work?

...

Ps: New header alert!

Balance

Posted on | March 30, 2011 | 4 Comments

This weekend I nearly collapsed.

Simplicity

Posted on | December 21, 2010 | No Comments

Just call me Grace

Posted on | August 15, 2010 | 2 Comments

Okay God, it's time to talk.  Let's review my night. 

First I start spotting, 9 pm.  Nothing I didn't see coming but saddening nonetheless.

9:50 pm: I walk up our hardwood stairs to feed the begging mutts, I lose my footing and tumble down a flight of stairs, backwards and somehow landing in fetal position after doing a complete flip.  A very bloody knee and extremely bruised & sore back, I now have to go to work, 10:10 pm (because according to my contract, you can't call in sick unless it's three hours before your shift.  whateeeeever). 

02:00 am after limping around my unit all night, I get a new patient.  She delivers a beautiful baby, although she got her tubes tied years ago.  Hmph...  as I continue to spot.  And now I'm pretty sure a rib or two in my back is broken (since I've had broken ribs before - and this feels worse). 

So I'm just wondering after a bloody leg, broken rib, and a slap in the face - what gives?

I'd appreciate some feedback soon.

Sincerely,

April

My facade

Posted on | July 28, 2010 | 5 Comments

Yesterday as I was perusing string lights in Pier 1, an affable clerk started a conversation with me.  After an extensive talk on vases and this weekend's sale, it somehow got brought up that I am a labor and delivery nurse.  The clerk became a giddy child on christmas morning.  You see, this woman is a nursing student and it is her dream job.  I simply smiled, silently questioning my innate frustration of my career.  All I could respond was, "yeah... it's fun." 

Lately I have been playing the part.  Throughout the week I have had numerous meetings and classes; and I smile, engage in conversations, bring in coffee cake and pretend to care about my coworker's seven children.  On the floor I've been hanging blood, promoting skin-to-skin, titrating drips, educating & training, helping a mother grieve.  But I'm not there, really.  I have the knowledge and am entirely competent, yet I feel so drained, counting the minutes until my next day off.  And that's not okay (is it?).

I've never understood the type of people that "love their job." I simply want to ask them -- really? [Insert the profoundly exaggerated and drawn out reeeeeaaaaalllly? here, or so b says.]  I once read a study that took a group of German folks and asked about job satisfaction.  It concluded that those that are unhappiest at their jobs are happiest overall in life. 

So maybe I will chalk it down to my happy life - because I do love my life, to be honest (and hey, I could be flippin' burgers at McDonalds!).  But I also consider that it may be the population I work with who unconsciously remind me of my difficulty procreating (something my 44 year old patient last night made look SO easy).  

What do you think?  Do you love your job and/or the post it below?

Enough

Posted on | July 20, 2010 | 2 Comments

Question: Why did I get into nursing?  The life and death aspect is too much sometimes, especially in obstetrics.  Last night was too much. 

Also, I'm a slacker, a loaf, and indolent blog owner.  I know.

Inspiration

Posted on | February 24, 2010 | 1 Comment

Hello, dear blog, you must be feeling lonely.  I have been in this place between working like a dog and worrying like my mother.  It's a very uncomfortable place, leaving little room for words or tranquil thoughts.   Working has been good in a sense - people are having babies again, which directly correlates with my paycheck.  And worrying has been related to our accepted offer on a house.  It's a good thing, really.  Right?  Oh the unanswered questions.

But I have had other thoughts admist the work and worry.  I've had a few very hippy, grass-roots, patients that I spent hours conversing with over the last few days.  My patient last night talked with me about life without television or news, just novels and music, and how empowering it is.  My coworkers of course laughed at her - but I was secretely inspired.  I love to read, and lord knows I would read and write more if there wasn't a tv constantly blaring.  Oh how I miss writing.  I used to write like my life depended on it.  I remember being eighteen years old & the incredibly close relationship I had with my creative writing & poetry teacher - she enscribed 'Never stop writing - it will kill you' on my notebook the last day of class.  And I do feel a bit empty in a sense.  I started this blog to write, yet the inspiration wasn't there. 

So, a big thank you to my patient, Tori Amos (my current nostalgic as ever playlist), and miss Emily B.  I have been reminded of inspiration.  I will take the time to read more novels and turn off that idiot box of mine (baby steps, of course).  I will remember what is real and important, and I will write.

Aimless

Posted on | February 18, 2010 | 4 Comments

What is it about reliving the past that is so exhilerating? Am I the only one that remembers smells and feelings of particular moments of my life, only to land back in reality confused as to how I got here? Is it my lovely days in Michigan (edit: the four nice months in Northern Michigan), or is it my current quest in unbelieveable Oregon? Sometimes I wonder which is really reality.

And yes, this house offer is a little cloud hovering. It has been 72 hours since the offer and B & I are on the edge of our seats. Waiting, & waiting.

But here's what I know: everything will and does happen for a reason. I am in this profession for a reason, and this house will go through if it is meant to be. My family is crazy for a reason (really?) and I am supposed to be out west.

Point of this post: life is weird.

Always good for a storm

Posted on | February 2, 2010 | 1 Comment

Hot off the press

Posted on | January 12, 2010 | 3 Comments

Getting called in at 3:00 AM to circulate a cesarean section: lousy

Having a bank call my mother stating that someone [no idea] died, & I am the beneficiary: befuddling

And that, my friends, is what's new with me [in concise format].

Trying

Posted on | August 3, 2008 | No Comments

I am AC. A liberal woman with ideals and ideas, dreams and opinionated theories that will never change. I can hike for miles, smile and breathe with the scent of weeds and dandelions in the breeze. Animals get me, most people do not. I could live in a song, dance on a half note and decide to change the beat while I sleep. I have recently moved across country and most close to me disapprove. But I am this floater, a woman with this hunger for nonconformity, new miles to trek and novel pictures to take. I will make a difference.

I tried to be one with my body. And maybe I am too young, too irrational to try; but I can tell you that I have more knowledge and I am mentally and physically equipped for this. It is this ache, or perhaps a fear, that is propelling me. It will come when It comes, they say. I am in silence.

I witnessed a fetal demise, a 23 weeker, last Thursday. It looked like a doll. Its eyes and fingers/toes were fused however it resembled a small person (1 lb 2 oz to be exact). I gave it a bath, footprints, pictures, and came up with a box full of keepsakes for the parents, then brought it wrapped in two blankets to the lab refrigerator. The most surprising part of the night was I did not cry - not once. It is not like me for my eyes to stay dry. You do what you have to do, I suppose.

I am ready for my bed.