Guest post: Parenthood Unprocessed
Posted on | October 14, 2013 | 1 Comment
While I'm away in Italy I asked a few friends/fellow bloggers if they would help keep Pleasure in the Pathless Woods running, and they all agreed! A might thank you to each of you!
My next guest post is by a good friend and fellow blogger, Abby. Abby keeps a blog over at Parenthood: Unprocessed. Abby lives in the same town as I do, and we had babes about 6 weeks apart from one another. We met through a local 'natural mommas'group when our girls were just wee ones, and have become good friends since. You'll notice as you read more about her that we're a lot like, which is lovely to find someone so like minded. She decided to do a q&a style post to learn a bit more about her. Thanks Abby!
I was so happy to be invited to write a guest blog post for one
of my favorite people! Thanks to April for thinking of me. I am Abby, mother to
an 18-month old, spunky and sweet little girl, Althea. Althea’s daddy, Scott,
has been my best friend for ages. He is a great father and a light in both of lour lives. Althea is definitely a daddy’s girl! We like to enjoy nature
together as a family, and spend time when we can going on walks, hiking,
camping, traveling and being outdoors. We love to work in the yard and garden,
and Althea has taken on this interest right along with us. Getting dirty is one
of her favorite activities! We love food and enjoy both cooking and going out
to eat (we haven’t been going out as often recently... doesn’t work so well
with a toddler!). Scott and I enjoy wine and beer tasting. We are animals
lovers, have a dog and a cat, and Althea adores them. They are both very
tolerant! Some of my personal favorite hobbies are exercise/yoga, photography
and sewing/quilting. I am also part-time a Licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist (LMFT) at a non-profit agency. Motherhood is everything to me and the
most important part about my identity.
My next guest post is by a good friend and fellow blogger, Abby. Abby keeps a blog over at Parenthood: Unprocessed. Abby lives in the same town as I do, and we had babes about 6 weeks apart from one another. We met through a local 'natural mommas'group when our girls were just wee ones, and have become good friends since. You'll notice as you read more about her that we're a lot like, which is lovely to find someone so like minded. She decided to do a q&a style post to learn a bit more about her. Thanks Abby!
...
Tell us about your parenting
'style'?
In terms of parenting, we do what works for us. I am a big
believer in being informed about all of our decisions as parents, so we do our
research and make choices based on what we learn. We tend to “lean” toward
attachment, natural, and gentle parenting ideas. Babywearing was a huge part of
the first year of Althea’s life, we are still breastfeeding with no end in
sight, we co-sleep, we cloth diaper, we take a cautious view on immunizations,
prioritize organic whole foods and use natural products. Becoming a parent has
also really encouraged us to make the best choices for ourselves as
individuals, related to healthy eating and avoiding toxins in daily life. Also,
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is one of my new favorite books since
becoming a mom. Our perspective on discipline: diligent and kind guidance,
teaching, and support.
Where are you from? How has that shaped you?
Scott and I are both from Lincoln, Nebraska. We went to high
school together! I have lots of memories of cruising around Lincoln with Scott
when we were sixteen. So much nostalgia! Both of our families still live in
Lincoln, so we make visits when we can. Scott and I have always talked about
how we are the kind of people who look strangers in the eye and greet them with
a smile and “hello.” It’s a simple thing, but you don’t always get that from people
wherever you go. I think the Nebraska lifestyle instilled that general
friendliness in us, and we value that. It’s not hard to find friendly people in
Nebraska! When we say we’re from Nebraska, people assume we grew up on a farm.
Lincoln is actually almost twice the size of Eugene, so we are definitely
“city” folk.
Is your family supportive of
your attachment parenting style?
For the most part, yes. We have certainly received some
questions along the way, but it has been mostly out of curiosity rather than
with a critical eye. Sometimes I assume people are being judgmental, even if
they don’t say anything. I am trying to let that go, because usually people
tend to be supportive (our families know we make informed decisions!), and if
they are judging us internally for our choices, I feel that is not really our
problem to worry about. I would rather spend my energy on something more
important. We are definitely making different parenting choices than some of
our family members, though, and are thankful to live in a community where we
are surrounded by many others who take a similar approach to parenting as we
do.
Where do you see yourself in
10 years?
Good question. I am such a planner! More than ever before, since
becoming a mom, I have realized that life doesn’t turn out how you plan. Since
I can remember, I was certain that I was going to get my PhD in psychology or
family therapy. That was a lifelong dream of mine until Althea was born. It’s
not as though I let go of that dream because I had to; instead, it just isn’t
what I want in life anymore. I am not the career-oriented person I once was. I
do enjoy my job and it is very purposeful for me, but I want as much time as
possible to be a mom and that is what I care about most. It’s amazing to me
when I say aloud that I have no intention of going back to school for my
doctorate, because at one point this was my number one goal in life. That said,
in 10 years, I imagine that I will (hopefully) have at least one more child, I
will be actively involved in my kids’ schooling (either by volunteering at
school or perhaps homeschool), I hope to have a balance between motherhood and
time to take care of myself individually, and will likely (another hope!) have
a private practice as an LMFT. I have also always hoped and dreamed that I will
be able to utilize a creative endeavor as a way to make a small income on the
side (perhaps through sewing or writing). In 10 years, I also hope we will be
making headway on our goal to eventually live on an acreage and live more
self-sustainably. But, hey, I’m open to the idea that all of this may change!
What have you found the greatest
struggle of motherhood? Greatest joy?
It is a challenge to stay in touch with my
individual self now that I am a mother. I have lost touch with some friends who
don’t have children and I don’t participate in my beloved hobbies the way I
used to. There are days when this isn’t a bother to me and I very much embrace
my role as a mom. Other days, I feel a lot of grief at the loss of my
connection to these things. I am operating under the belief that as life goes
on, it will become more balanced. Having an 18-month old is a lot of work, and
as Althea gets older, there will be more time in our lives for “adult”
activities. For the first year of Althea’s life, I had no desire to leave her
side and I didn’t feel bad about it. As more time passes, date nights have a
lot more appeal to me again. We have been on 3 dates since Althea was born and,
wow, have they been fun! I recently attended an exercise class 1-2 times a week
for two months, and there was a certain amount of guilt I felt every time I
left Althea to go to the class. I think I’m ready to sign up for a yoga class
again someday soon. I know logically that taking care of myself is important,
but it is sometimes very difficult to justify it on an emotional level. Time with my
girl is just so precious and valuable.
There are so many “greatest joys” related to motherhood! One of
the best things ever is being a witness to life through the eyes of Althea. I
am awed constantly about how fast she grows and learns. I love being able to
guide and teach her about new things everyday. I value her innocence
tremendously and she is a reminder about the importance of simplicity in life.
She is unconditional love. Nothing
is more meaningful than knowing that the love between Scott and I, is what
created our daughter and that she is a part of both of us. It is my greatest
joy that we are forever bound as a family.
What kind of favorite natural/herbal remedies does your family swear by?
I want to expand my knowledge and use of natural and herbal remedies. I swear by probiotics and how this contributes to general health. Althea and I both take them daily as prevention. Also, at the first sign of illness or if those around me are sick, I start eating raw garlic and ginger by the handfuls. It works! Usually I stay healthy, and if I get sick it typically doesn’t last long. Many people tell me they can’t stomach raw garlic, but it works for me thankfully. We took a workshop last year and learned how to make elderberry syrup. We made enough to last the entire winter, and I love that stuff. Just like raw garlic, we take it at the first sign of illness and throughout or as prevention. The best natural cold medicine!
My mom has osteoarthritis and I fear that I might have this destiny also, because I’ve struggled with joint pain for as long as I can remember. I recently started taking Turmeric as a supplement and I swear it reduces the pain I experience in my knees. I’m a believer already! Read up on turmeric; it is being highly researched right now and scientists are discovering lots of benefits to health!
Basically, we believe in having a clean diet of as many organic whole foods as possible. We have gotten so much better at this since Althea was born and I love eating this way. I believe we are healthier and have more energy as a result.
Tell us about your home
birth. Is there anything you'd do
differently?
Our home birth was an amazing experience and we received the best
care I could ever fathom with our
midwife. Althea was born into warm water in a tub in our living room. Our
midwife had the utmost confidence in my ability to labor and deliver a healthy
baby. She gave Scott and I both information and knowledge throughout our
pregnancy so that we could make empowered decisions. I wouldn’t do it any
differently! It was too good. And, I delivered a 9lb 14oz baby naturally in the
comfort of my own home, after a fast and furious 6 hour labor!
Any other great passions besides motherhood?
I’m seriously a feminist. I was born this way and it means a lot
to me. It has everything to do with who I am and how I exist in the world. I
have always been very aware about how our culture puts males and females into
“boxes” with expectations about which behaviors are and aren’t acceptable for
each sex. I really wish and dream for true equality, but we have a long way to
go. It really applies to motherhood, because it is a huge influence on how
Scott and I are choosing to raise our child. It is vastly important to me that
Althea develop a strong foundation of confidence for herself and that she knows
whole-heartedly that being a girl/woman makes her no less of a value to
society.
How has motherhood changed you?
Motherhood has brought profound changes to my life that are hard to describe with words. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than before I was a mom. Petty things in life matter a lot less now and simple moments witnessing my daughter explore and experience new things, matter the most. I have a new perspective about what family means and my number one daily goal is to show my daughter love and light and to guide her through her process of becoming the person she is destined to be.
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Category:
guest post
,
natural living
Guest post: Slightly Cosmopolitan
Posted on | October 11, 2013 | 2 Comments
While I'm away in Italy I asked a few friends/fellow bloggers if they would help keep Pleasure in the Pathless Woods running, and they all agreed! A mighty thank you to each of you!
My next post is by Heidi who blogs over at Slightly Cosmopolitan. Heidi is a wife, mother to two cute kiddos (almost 3!), and describes herself as "profoundly ordinary." But you see, that's what has kept me reading her blog over the years. She describes her ordinary days and feelings with lovely intensity, and I found myself adoring her writing style & eager to see the new chapters in her life unfold. Her post just happens to be one of my favorite topics - birth. I feel honored that you shared such a thing, thank you Heidi!
On Birthing
I birthed my first baby in November while winter’s first snow slipped quietly through the air, blanketing the earth around us in a clean slate of white. “How fitting,” I thought, “that our son made his entrance to this life while winter made her fresh appearance for the season,” and I loved that my winter-loving husband could one day tell his firstborn of how new snow and new life mingled together to turn him into a daddy.
I knew enough to know that no matter how prepared and researched I was, I didn’t know what to expect out of motherhood...I didn’t know how to be a mother. Although I loved him something fierce from the moment he wriggled on my chest, it took time to realize that even though I had birthed our family a baby, that baby had birthed in me a mother, and I had to learn to trust in this gift he had given me and remember to dwell in this new identity he had created when I pushed...and pushed...and pushed...him from my body.
My second baby, a wee 13-week wisp of hope, I birthed – asleep – in the operating room while the doctor gently excised her from my body. After five years of infertility and despair, her brief stay hardly seemed substantial enough to make a difference. But I had learned enough from my first birth to know that just as a baby’s birth is a physical inevitability, so does the baby birth something in the mother that’s a spiritual inevitability, and I mourned the fact that I’d be asleep during that experience. You can read more about my experience with her loss here.
Grief mixed with anesthesia certainly shaped my experience, but it actually took less time after her birth than my firstborn’s birth to realize what she birthed in me, a surprising blend of the seeds for happiness and patience. I spent the better part of the year tending the soil of grief and watering these seeds with my tears, and my gratitude to her has only grown with the passage of time because I don’t think any other baby could have birthed these things in my being.
My third baby, another girl, I birthed in much the same way as my first, but with a strange mix of confidence and fear. Whereas with my son I labored without the benefit of a mother’s heart (since he hadn’t birthed it in me yet) and went along with things that didn’t feel right because I didn’t know otherwise, this time his gift to me was in full effect. I knew what I needed and fought for those things and trusted the mother within. At the same time, however, I was wracked with fear that she could leave me in one breath, and I couldn’t bear the thought of loving and losing again. I think I held my breath from the moment my water broke until my midwife told me I could push, which I couldn’t do right away because I was too busy exhaling and crying and trying to gather the focus and commitment it would take to become a mother again. You can read more about her birth story here.
I hesitate to say her birth experience has been my favorite; how can I pick one over the others when each of the resultant gifts to me has been equally exquisite? But as I reached down and drew her from my body with my own hands, she birthed in me a holy healing and lightness of spirit that defies words. The closest description I have is that of tenacious hope, sweet hope, soul hope. If I could relive any moment from my life, it would be this moment, and I would relive it again and again to drink in every single detail of the experience.At 30 weeks pregnant, I’m nearing the eve of the birth of my fourth baby, another boy, and although I’m anticipating how much I’ll revel in meeting him and bringing him into our family and experiencing the delicious snuggles and coos of a newborn, I’m also curious and eager to discover what he’ll birth in me while I’m busy birthing him. Who will I be when I finally look into his eyes and kiss his dewy face and gather his spindly body to my chest to nourish him? I have no idea.
Just as I know I can’t absolutely guarantee the details of his physical birth – vaginal or caesarean, natural or unmedicated, hospital or home, born to me on earth or, God forbid, born directly to heaven – I also know I can’t forecast what spiritual gifts he’ll bring to me. What I know with complete certainty is that children aren’t born empty-handed – and I can’t wait to discover life anew with this next little one.
Category:
Birth
,
guest post
Guest post: Mad Passions
Posted on | October 4, 2013 | 3 Comments
While I'm away in Italy I asked a few friends/fellow bloggers if they would help keep Pleasure in the Pathless Woods running, and they all agreed! A mighty thank you to each of you!
I'm so excited to feature a guest post from a friend and fellow blogger, Melanie. She blogs over at Mad Passions, and I can't get enough her great book recommendations, fantastic craft ideas, and of course her little man Connor. I started reading her blog probably 5 years ago when I was reaching out to others experiencing infertility, and her writing always hit so close to home. I'm so happy for Melanie as she too got her miracle babe who is just 2 months older than Hazel. I love this post, and particularly love the second book she mentions because I too find myself crying every time I read it to Hazel. Thanks Melanie!
...
For as long as I can remember I have had two constants in my life: a love of books and reading and a burning desire to become a Mother. So I guess it was only natural for me to start collecting books for my child when I was 18. It didn't matter that I wouldn't become a Mom for almost 20 more years, I just knew that my kid needed a library.
It wasn't until I finally got pregnant, after a heartbreaking 4 year struggle with infertility, that I realized my kids book collection was lacking in baby books. I have a ton of books for beginner readers, older readers and some amazing picture books but there were absolutely no board books. I quickly learned from my son that babies were not interested in books as much as they were interested in ripping paper.
After learning the hard way, Connor now has a nice collection of baby appropriate books. I thought I would share 3 books that are always asked for in our house.
I LOVE this book. The illustrations are adorable and the story is simple and sweet. With verses from the heartfelt "I am your carrot sticks; you are my licorice. I am your dandelion; you are my first wish." to the silly "I am your calm face; you are my giggle. I am your wait, you are my wiggle." You Are My I Love You is a book that Connor loves and laughs with and it is a book that made me cry every time I read it when he was newborn. It is my go-to book for any baby shower I am invited to.
This next book is one I had heard about and seen but had never actually read until my Mother gifted it to Connor on the day he was born. On the Night You Were Born is another book that made me cry (great big sobbing tears) every time I read it. It is so beautifully written and the pictures are fantastic with all sorts of magical imagery and words written in. Connor loves this book as well but I think he likes it so much because his Mommy is so funny when she reads it.
My husband bought this book for Connor and they both find it hilarious. I love watching James read to his son and I swear he actually becomes the bear. He puffs up his shoulders and gnashes his teeth and ROARS and chases Connor around the room. Nothing beats a book that engages both the parent and the child! This story is about 4 friends (lion, zebra, moose and sheep) who are looking for a warm place to play. Little do they know that a very cranky bear is sleeping in their cave! Hilarity ensues when 3 of the friends try to "cheer" up the bear but in the end it is simple plain sheep that saves the day. Right from the start this book is sure to get your little one giggling with "In the Jingle Jangle Jungle on a cold and rainy day, four little friends found the perfect place to play."
I'd love to hear what books are favourites at your house! Please share in the comments below.
Category:
Books
,
guest post
- April
- I am a RN & natural momma in the Pacific Northwest, married to a beautiful man I adore. Nature is my niche, animals get me. I read and I write, I hike and I love photography. Welcomed our daughter Hazel Annan earthside in February 2012 after three years of infertility & our second miracle daughter Juniper Louise in April 2014.
