Serendipity

Posted on | March 20, 2015 | 1 Comment

A Day In My Life

Posted on | March 5, 2015 | No Comments

Below is my audition for the sling diaries, volume V1. What's sling diaries, you ask?  It's a photo-documentary that chronicles the art of babywearing and the lives of different families.  I first learned about Sakura Bloom last year while pregnant with Juniper, and quickly fell in love with the beauty, ease, and versatility of the slings as well as the stories each sling diarist at the time shared.  Their words were beautiful yet raw, and I met many amazing mommas through their community.  Thank you to the Sakura Bloom team for this opportunity, as it's inspired me to start writing more which is something that's always been a part of me I hold dear.  The theme for this entry is 'a day in my life.'

My sweet Saplings,

I've missed writing you letters.  This blog is filled with letters to Hazel, and even a letter to Juniper right before she was born (and I guessed she was a he!) so I thought I'd start again.  Hazel, I can't believe you're 3 already, and we'll be celebrating your sisters 1'st birthday in 2 short months.   I want to remember the small details in our life day to day; the sweet synchronicity of mudane daily life and small adventures we create and crave as a family.

I want to remember the little moments of every day.  Hazel, each morning you whisper quietly to your sis and ask her if she is done nursing so you can cuddle her.  After a brief snuggle you both quickly jump into play mode, pretending the the co-sleeper is a boat or the pop-up castle in your room is queen Elsa's ice palace.  Each morning is a different imaginative scenario and I often just sit and listen, taking it all in amazed that your dad and I made both of you.

I want to remember our relaxed mornings.   Since neither of you are in school yet and dad is frequently at work, so we're often slow to get dressed and get breakfast started.  During breakfast we talk about what we'd like to do for the day, and often call your grandma in Michigan to say hello (always call your momma, girls).  A few disagreements on a proper breakfast and a bit of pleading later, we make plans for the day.

I want to remember the plans we make.  One thing you both know about me already -- since day 1 -- is that your mama feels whole in nature.  Generally our daily plans involve going outside to commune in nature, one way or another.   Some days we simply feed the chickens, work in the garden, or go for a walk on the property while other days we head upriver waterfalling or to the ocean if dad and I both happen to be off of work.  I'm thrilled that we can raise you on acreage in the country, and that our favorite river spot is just a few miles from home.  I can already see the connection both of you have to nature, and I only hope to nurture your love and appreciation for all things wild.  There is no better cure for a teething baby or emotional toddler than the ferns and trees, the creek or river our white noise.
I want to remember nap time.  The long naps, the naps on momma, the naps that involve bargaining and lengthy stories or nursing for thirty minutes straight.  The two of you generally take shifts when it comes to rest, something I swear you both must plan (ha, ha!).

I want to remember the excitement when papa gets home.  Hazel, you often run over to dad and immediately start telling him about your day, begging him to pick you up or bring you outside to bug hunt.  Juniper, you squeal and immediately reach for daddy, clapping your hands since it's the newest skill you've learned and are oh so proud of.  Dinner comes and goes, and miss Junie most nights we're left flabbergasted how much more you seems to eat than Hazel.  Perhaps that's what those luscious chipmunk cheeks are all about, my love.

I want to remember bedtime routine.  Long soaks in the tub with giggles that last for days -- a sound I used to dream about in our infertile days, leaving me humbled and ridiculously grateful (even on the not so giggly nights).  We then read books like it's going out of style, and my dear Hazel you never fail to ask for "just one more..."

I want to remember the game we play right before lights out.  Hazel, you love the book 'Guess How Much I Love You' and have come up with your own variation, often telling me "I love you as bright as that light! As blue as my fish! As big as daddy!"  I answer back with something equally clever, a smile on my face as I close your door.  Juniper, you then nurse to sleep or papa wears you to sleep in the carrier.  I'm taking in every last bit of your infancy as you'll soon be entering toddlerhood with a totally different agenda, still needing snuggles but craving independence as well.  You usually drift off to sleep and after a kiss I'm left wondering if your daddy and I can squeeze in a movie before you wake to nurse again (often a sitcom is a safer bet ;)

So there we are, a typical day at our little homestead. There will be a period in my life someday where I will look back and yearn for these sleepless nights, food filled floors, and unscheduled days among the pine.  But for now I will relish in these messy yet full of love days, and I will gleam.

A letter:

Posted on | November 9, 2013 | 3 Comments

Sweet little soul,

Hi there, your momma here (or mommy, as your sister likes to call me).  I've been meaning to give you some quality mom time, an afternoon of chatting about your name or long belly rubs in the bath.  But I must apologize because I am so darn preoccupied these days.  Between chasing your sister, cleaning the house, working, and time with your dad I am usually forgetful of you until you give me a little kick, which is becoming frequent and each time oh so lovely these days.  Will a letter make up for my lack of pregnancy journal keeping like I did last time?  I still love you, oh so much.

You're 17 weeks gestation.  As I mentioned above, you've been giving me actual kicks for about a week, which is 3 weeks earlier than I remember feeling your sister.  I've been feeling your flutters since the first trimester as well.  I'm craving microbrew beer, oddly enough, which makes me wonder if you're a boy (a mini-brad, duh).

Speaking of your gender, we're going to wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl until your birthday!  I was slightly apprehensive at first, but daddy was very sure that's what we'd do.  I'm warming up to the idea and even a bit excited now.

I worry sometimes that I've been bringing too much negative energy in my life in the last couple of months.  I have been prone to anxiety as of late, and am finding it a lot of work to keep some things in my life above water.  The last thing I want is for this to affect you my dear child.  Despite this, you must know that you are loved.  That's all I want to fill you with.

Wait until you meet your sister - she kisses you good night already, and squeals at the sight of any baby these days.  You couldn't have a better role model.

I think you're the final puzzle piece to this family, and I want you to know that I will work harder to stay positive and clear my mind of anxiety and guilt.  Why in the world would I be anxious, when there's such a beautiful thing coming our way?

We can't wait to meet you,

Momma

Mother's day, on what's important:

Posted on | May 12, 2013 | 3 Comments

A letter: 13 months

Posted on | March 4, 2013 | 2 Comments

Sweet baby Hazel,

My oh my, you are OVER a year old already!  A lot of people in public have been asking me how old you are, and I can't say '13 months,' I've just been saying 'she just turned a year.'  But soon you'll be 14, 15, 16 months.  I know this sounds repetitive but how is that possible?

I wished I had written a letter to you for your 12 month milestone, but the household was busy with your Italian cousins/aunt visiting, and your first sickness.  Yes my dear, you woke up on your birthday with you first fever.  The fever was on and off for a week, you were pretty miserable for two weeks, then your cough lasted the entire month of February!  But my love, you were such a trooper.  On top of having rsv you had your molars come in but you still found time to smile, dance, and cuddle with us.  You've always been such an easy going & happy spirit.

You are also talking up a storm!  You've been saying gus, dog, and dada for months now, but your most recent words are duck, mom, milk (mik), mmmm, cat (dat), chicken (ick), and eddie.  You also howl when we ask 'what does a wolf say?' and smack your lips when we ask what a fish does.  Two of my other favorite things you do is make a 'rarrrr!' sound when we ask what monsters say, and you pant like a dog when we ask what dogs do.  It's simply amazing to see you learn these things in just a matter of a day or two - I am loving this stage, seeing you grow and flourish!


You still love the outdoors and anything to do with animals (why do you think we had a woodland theme for your birthday?).  You hug each of our pets before bed (all while saying "awwww"), and last night you even wanted to hug the new baby chicks.  Often when we are hiking outside you simply squeal with delight in your pack as you look into the forest or the running stream.  Good thing because I think you're in for a lot of outdoor time with a mom and dad like us... :)


You're still a bit of a squirt - you were 19 lbs at your 1 year well visit (20th percentile) and 27 inches tall (10th percentile).  I guess that makes sense since neither your daddy or I are very big!  I think your size makes it even cuter to see you walking around, since you look so young at times!

Quotable & Poetry Tuesday:

Posted on | February 26, 2013 | 1 Comment

It feels so odd re-living old notebooks from my early to late teens, but I am enjoying it at times.  There are parts of me that are still a part of that girl, but a larger part of me that is this woman with so much more purpose, drive, and love in my life.  My teens were spent feeling a bit out of place and I was a bit of an 'old soul' compared to my peers. Below is a poem I wrote in 2002'ish.

At first this got me feeling a bit defensive that yes life is only about love.  I am so full with all the love in my life!  But next it got me thinking that I am still this person with my own interests, passions, and an indelible past worth remembering.  Sometimes I forget that I am more than a mother.  Even writing that feels funny.

But being a mother & a unique person can coexist, right?  My dear b has been telling me this for months but I couldn't see.  I guess it takes a sixteen year old April to let it sink in.

I think one of these days I'll leave the man & girl home to photograph the sunset and as I drive home I'll blast my favorite band on full volume.  I may think of dear h a majority of the time, but I will look back & appreciate this time to cultivate my passions.  Because life is about me too, every once in a while.

Other mommas - how do you keep the balance of motherhood & feeding your own passions?

Woodland birthday

Posted on | February 5, 2013 | 6 Comments

A letter: 10 months

Posted on | December 9, 2012 | 1 Comment

Sweet baby Hazel,

How is it that you're already 10 months old?  I just looked through your 6 week, 3 month, and 6 month letters and am so floored that you've grown so much in such a short amount of time!  Momma apologizes for not writing a 9 month letter as planned... you keep me busy these days.

Speaking of keeping me busy, boy are you mobile!  You started crawling in September, when you were 7 months old (it was Sept 11th to be exact - like I said in your 6 month letter, moms remember dates).  You learned how to crawl up steps and stairs between 8-9 months, and you've been cruising along furniture for a few weeks now while standing up.  Your doctor thinks you're going to be an early walker - I'm hesitant to agree with her because I see how much you LOVE to be on all fours.


I'd have to guess you're about 19 lbs now (you were 18 lbs at your 9 month appointment, and I think you've grown since then).  You're a shorty at just shy of 27 inches, only the 10th percentile for your age!  I think you'll catch up, but if not that is okay too!  You're wearing 9 month clothes with occasional 12 month stuff, it varies.  You fit in some 6 month onesies still, although the sleeves are pretty short. ;)


You were introduced to solid food at just over 6 months.  You didn't really start liking solids until you were 8 months, but from that point on you LOVE everything we give you.  Some of your favorites are beets (where'd you get that from?), sweet potatoes, egg yolk, broccoli, and plain yogurt.  There really hasn't been anything you've tried that you don't like!  Momma hasn't introduced any grains (besides quinoa) yet but might try some oatmeal soon.  You continue to drink breastmilk every 2-5 hours during the day, depending if it's mom or dad giving it to you (ha ha).


You continue to co-sleep with us.  You have been sleeping great up until the last week or two - waking up without one of us the first few hours when we're still downstairs gets you very sad, and all you want to do is nurse nurse nurse.  I think perhaps another tooth is coming in?  Speaking of teeth, you just got your fifth and sixth teeth about two weeks ago.  Way to grow little squirt.


You had your first babysitting experience at about 8 months so daddy could go to a football game while momma was at work.  You stayed with Aunt Nicki (Sawyer's mom) and had a blast.  She has watched you a few more times since then and you absolutely adore her.  I'm hesitant to leave you with people you've only met a few times, however, you have a bit of 'stranger danger' at times.

You & Aunt Nicki dancing!

Your favorite toys are any and everything that's new and interesting to look at!  Pots and pans, YES.  Blocks, AWESOME.  Cat's ear, EXCELLENT.  Remote controls, WOOHOO.  Seriously kid, you are hilarious!  You especially love musical instruments & watching momma and daddy play them (then checking them out yourself).  You haven't really attached to any toys in particular which surprises me.  Books are fun, but only to chew on!


Some recent great memories are we brought you sledding the other day.  You laughed the whole way down and giggled with delight as Gus-Gus ran alongside you.  Last month your Aunt Jamie came to visit for 9 whole days - you loved every minute with her, and you still squeal when you see her picture come up on slideshows.  You were Yoda for Halloween, and you also spent some time on the ocean for mom & dad's anniversary in September.  You love love love the outdoors!  My sweet, you make life worth living!

Look at that smile on your face!