A Day In My Life

Posted on | March 5, 2015 | No Comments

Below is my audition for the sling diaries, volume V1. What's sling diaries, you ask?  It's a photo-documentary that chronicles the art of babywearing and the lives of different families.  I first learned about Sakura Bloom last year while pregnant with Juniper, and quickly fell in love with the beauty, ease, and versatility of the slings as well as the stories each sling diarist at the time shared.  Their words were beautiful yet raw, and I met many amazing mommas through their community.  Thank you to the Sakura Bloom team for this opportunity, as it's inspired me to start writing more which is something that's always been a part of me I hold dear.  The theme for this entry is 'a day in my life.'

My sweet Saplings,

I've missed writing you letters.  This blog is filled with letters to Hazel, and even a letter to Juniper right before she was born (and I guessed she was a he!) so I thought I'd start again.  Hazel, I can't believe you're 3 already, and we'll be celebrating your sisters 1'st birthday in 2 short months.   I want to remember the small details in our life day to day; the sweet synchronicity of mudane daily life and small adventures we create and crave as a family.

I want to remember the little moments of every day.  Hazel, each morning you whisper quietly to your sis and ask her if she is done nursing so you can cuddle her.  After a brief snuggle you both quickly jump into play mode, pretending the the co-sleeper is a boat or the pop-up castle in your room is queen Elsa's ice palace.  Each morning is a different imaginative scenario and I often just sit and listen, taking it all in amazed that your dad and I made both of you.

I want to remember our relaxed mornings.   Since neither of you are in school yet and dad is frequently at work, so we're often slow to get dressed and get breakfast started.  During breakfast we talk about what we'd like to do for the day, and often call your grandma in Michigan to say hello (always call your momma, girls).  A few disagreements on a proper breakfast and a bit of pleading later, we make plans for the day.

I want to remember the plans we make.  One thing you both know about me already -- since day 1 -- is that your mama feels whole in nature.  Generally our daily plans involve going outside to commune in nature, one way or another.   Some days we simply feed the chickens, work in the garden, or go for a walk on the property while other days we head upriver waterfalling or to the ocean if dad and I both happen to be off of work.  I'm thrilled that we can raise you on acreage in the country, and that our favorite river spot is just a few miles from home.  I can already see the connection both of you have to nature, and I only hope to nurture your love and appreciation for all things wild.  There is no better cure for a teething baby or emotional toddler than the ferns and trees, the creek or river our white noise.
I want to remember nap time.  The long naps, the naps on momma, the naps that involve bargaining and lengthy stories or nursing for thirty minutes straight.  The two of you generally take shifts when it comes to rest, something I swear you both must plan (ha, ha!).

I want to remember the excitement when papa gets home.  Hazel, you often run over to dad and immediately start telling him about your day, begging him to pick you up or bring you outside to bug hunt.  Juniper, you squeal and immediately reach for daddy, clapping your hands since it's the newest skill you've learned and are oh so proud of.  Dinner comes and goes, and miss Junie most nights we're left flabbergasted how much more you seems to eat than Hazel.  Perhaps that's what those luscious chipmunk cheeks are all about, my love.

I want to remember bedtime routine.  Long soaks in the tub with giggles that last for days -- a sound I used to dream about in our infertile days, leaving me humbled and ridiculously grateful (even on the not so giggly nights).  We then read books like it's going out of style, and my dear Hazel you never fail to ask for "just one more..."

I want to remember the game we play right before lights out.  Hazel, you love the book 'Guess How Much I Love You' and have come up with your own variation, often telling me "I love you as bright as that light! As blue as my fish! As big as daddy!"  I answer back with something equally clever, a smile on my face as I close your door.  Juniper, you then nurse to sleep or papa wears you to sleep in the carrier.  I'm taking in every last bit of your infancy as you'll soon be entering toddlerhood with a totally different agenda, still needing snuggles but craving independence as well.  You usually drift off to sleep and after a kiss I'm left wondering if your daddy and I can squeeze in a movie before you wake to nurse again (often a sitcom is a safer bet ;)

So there we are, a typical day at our little homestead. There will be a period in my life someday where I will look back and yearn for these sleepless nights, food filled floors, and unscheduled days among the pine.  But for now I will relish in these messy yet full of love days, and I will gleam.

New name & hello again

Posted on | February 28, 2015 | 2 Comments

I hope some of you are forgiving, as I'm a tad embarrassed of my few month blogging hiatus.  This move to a family of four, as wonderful as it is, can be a bit time consuming leaving me with little left for my mind to jot down.  I've found sharing my life through pictures on Instagram is a wonderful way to record my life (and print out!), and it doesn't take nearly as long.  However the one thing I forgot is my love of writing.  I had an amazing creative writing teacher once tell me, "never stop writing - it will kill you" & that has forever stuck with me.  Writing is there for me on the good days and the bad, comforting or applauding me through this walk of life.  So here I am, back in the blog world, with the new name 'Lovely Little Trees' instead of the 8 year old 'Pleasure in the Pathless Woods.'  The new name is symbolic of my sweet Hazel and Juniper, our saplings that inspire me on a daily basis to be a good, kind, compassionate person.  You should be seeing us on here a bit more often these days.  

This moment:

Posted on | May 23, 2014 | 1 Comment

We're so glad you're here!

Posted on | April 21, 2014 | 5 Comments

A letter: Baby C, before we meet you

Posted on | April 4, 2014 | 2 Comments

Sweet little soul,

I've carried a tradition of writing to your sister before she was even conceived and throughout her life (see the tag 'letter' below) so I'd like to continue this with you.  There's nothing I love more than reading over her letters & seeing how quickly and much she's grown.  I know it'll go just as quick with you.

It's hard to believe we get to meet you in 2 weeks, give or take!  There's something so different about not knowing your gender this time around, as we found out at 16 weeks with your big sister.  My gut sort of says you're a boy, but I think it's only because we've had a boy name picked out longer.  Hazel tells me that you're her brother, and she tells daddy that you're her sister.  Grandma thinks you're a girl, and your Aunt Jamie thinks you're a boy.  Dad still hasn't made a guess... he's a practical guy and says 50/50.  I bet he's right, haha!


This pregnancy has been very similar, but oh so different at the same time.  Your big sisters pregnancy was full of fear after years of infertility.  On the flip side, you came so easily, an early August wonderful surprise.  Your sister was with me when I took the test on a whim - your dad downstairs visiting with your granddad who had just arrived.  I kept in quiet in front of granddad, as it was very hard to believe!  Your pregnancy has gone very quickly in comparison to the first - chasing a toddler around will do that. It's amazing how much less sleep and relaxation I've gotten this pregnancy, yet I still feel pretty great.  I'm guessing you'll be bigger than Hazel was - she was a mere 6 lb 14 oz - but this time you just feel a bit bigger than you sister was at 37 weeks.  People have asked if you're twins, breech, etc... and the odd comments just keep coming.  If this pregnancy has taught me anything it's what to say (and NOT to say) to a pregnant woman.  For future reference the only thing that's allowed is "you're carrying beautifully" ... :)


Speaking of beautiful, I'm trying to enjoy these last few weeks of being pregnant as it's most likely that last time.  I'm so eager to meet you but at the same time I realize I have the rest of my life to get to know you, and that we'll never be as physically close as we are now.  A friend of mine just had a miscarriage this week, and the raw emotion of loss and infertility came back to me, again making me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have conceived again (this time without assistance).  There is no greater bond than carrying a child, and I am thankful for you and my body.  Too many people take that for granted.


You kick a lot when your sister is loud, and your awake time is in the late evening.  Despite being a maternity nurse for 7 years I still have the hardest time figuring out which body part of yours is sticking out - you always kick back when I touch you, a sweet game I adore.  Hazel loves to touch you, but just as quickly will cover up my belly and say "bye bye" - a habit that can't continue once you're here, haha!  I think you kick and move a lot more than your sister did.  Hazel also loves to call you 'April' and 'Purple' ... yesterday she called you 'Taco' in remembrance of me spilling a burrito all over you the day before (she often tells me I'm a "mess" while pointing at my belly).  She also loves to kiss you good night before naps and bedtime, always making sure daddy does too.


I've been having a lot of practice waves recently, and I feel as if you've already dropped.  I am very excited for your birth - I envision a morning/afternoon birth, home in time for spending the evening with your big sis.  Obviously I know may not happen, but I'm doing hypnobabies again and try to visualize your birth often.  I think it'll be quick, and maybe even a little early.  We'll soon see - I'm happy with anything as long as you're healthy.


I love you already my sweet baby, see you very soon!

Momma

December 2: It's a...

Posted on | December 2, 2013 | 2 Comments

A story about fertility

Posted on | September 23, 2013 | 4 Comments

It all started with a feeling.  I was driving home from work one afternoon & I felt like I needed to buy a pregnancy test. I was due to start my period any day, but my usual spotting before period was nowhere to be seen.  I briefly thought perhaps I was pregnant, but my old friend infertility said "hah - like that's possible!"  I still bought a test, and a dressed too young old lady with a smokers cough announced to all of Walgreens that I was pregnant.  No joke.  Really, not joking.

I got home and B's dad had just arrived from Washington.  I briefly said hello and ran upstairs to empty my mid-afternoon diluted bladder.  I convinced myself to take the test, if only to ease my mind about drinking at the winery we were planning on visiting the next day.  I saw the faintest + sign, and truly thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.  I then panicked a bit about when to tell B, considering his dad was downstairs and they were going fishing.

Later that afternoon B's dad must've been unpacking, so I took advantage of the situation and had Hazel run over to him with the test.  I was worried he'd be panicked re how close in age they'll be, but instead he just smiled and beamed.  I'll never forget that smile & his excitement.

The next day the line was darker, and it continued to get darker all week.  I probably took a half dozen tests over the course of 2-3 weeks, in complete disbelief dear B and I could naturally procreate.  The early weeks were pretty easy - very mild nausea, hunger like you would't believe, exhausted, but otherwise very similar to my first trimester with Hazel (easy!).

Already showing her thoughts on being a 'bis sis'

Then week 8 hit, and this cloud of anxiety hit me.  I suddenly thought I wasn't pregnant, doubting my bodies ability to harbor this child.  Our first pregnancy was constantly ultrasounds, lab work, and reassurance.  This time I had no proof, other than a + test (or 6...).  My midwife appointment wasn't for another two weeks, which seemed like an eternity.  One night at about 8.5 weeks the midwife that delivered Hazel texted me to ask how I was feeling.  I opened up and told her I was feeling anxious, doubtful, and slightly less symptoms as of late.  She told me to come in to the birth center the next day, and we'd check things out if only to ease my mind.

The next day, 9/10/13, I saw our little sprout on ultrasound.  We saw a flickering heartbeat, and a wiggling little body.  I'm a bit embarrassed in hindsight that I needed such reassurance, but I am who I am.  Struggling through infertility, and a previous loss of twins at 8 weeks, it does something to you.


We've since had our first official midwife appointment, and I've also heard babies heartbeat via doppler a few times.  I swear I'm starting to feel little flutters already this week as well, which is unreal & lovely all at once.  I'm also suddenly looking VERY pregnant, like 4-5 months (I'm 10.5 weeks).  I've heard people say you show about a month early with subsequent pregnancies, but sheesh!  My abs have forgotten their purpose, indeed.  Tell me fellow mommas - did you show way earlier with your second?  The photo below is me tonight - although I do sort of look as if I'm arching my back, & I've got the end of the day bloat (dang you progesterone!).  A morning shot wouldn't be so big.

Tonight, end of the day at 10 1/2 weeks, yikes!

We still haven't announced our pregnancy to the general public, which is getting harder with this new found baby bump.  We told our families at about 9 weeks with the picture in my first announcement post on here, which was hilarious and cute.  I think we'll wait until about 14+ weeks to make it official to work, facebook, etc - we'll be in Italy from 11.5-14 weeks so that'll help keep things hidden.

Naturally conceiving after infertility is funny.  You spend years cursing women who get pregnant easily (not really, but kind of), spend thousands of dollars to finally conceive, then worry about subsequent pregnancies after the first is over.  Remember this post?  Yeah, I wrote it the same week we conceived this little one (ha, ha!).  Infertility apparently didn't want to fight me this time - it was a quick & painless win on my behalf.  Was it my better diet, focusing on organic whole foods & healthy fats?  Perhaps.  Did I relax more?  You bet.  I'm so full of excitement, relief, and happiness at the win. But a part of me feels guilt at my sudden fertility.  I know quite a few people who are in deep with infertility right now, & my heart aches for them.  But they'll win at some point, too.  I know it.

We're due April 19, 2014.  Here's to a healthy 30 more weeks!

A letter: 19 months

Posted on | September 16, 2013 | 1 Comment

My sweet baby Hazel,

My oh my, how is it your over a year and a half old?  I look back at your previous letters from time to time, and it truly is amazing how quickly time flies.

You've had quite the summer, and now it's heading into fall.  Throughout the summer you camped quite a bit - in the high cascades, on the high desert Metolius river, on the foothills on the Mckenzie River, and on the coast.  You are still happiest in nature my love.  You also took a trip to Michigan to visit grandma and your Aunt Jamie over the 4th of July, spending every single day being a beach bum. It reminded me of my childhood.  All in all you've been on 12 plane rides since birth!

Your last letter mentioned you were walking everywhere.  Well now, you're running everywhere, and climbing everything.  You're still kind of clumsy (ahem, not a trait of your mothers I swear) and fall down or bonk your head often.  Your pediatrician assured me "we worry about the kids without bruises on their legs!'  That made me feel a lot better.  You got a tricyle  from you nana & grandpa last week, and you're already learning to push the pedals with your feet, despite your legs being just a bit short to move the bike very far.  My oh my how you change everyday!

Your talking a bit, although you still prefer sign language over verbal language.  You have a good dozen or more verbal words you use frequently, but you probably say at least 20-30 signs.  You also love to make animal noises, fart noises (!), and copy us when we cough, sneeze, laugh, etc.  You do a lot of babbling, having full-blown conversations using your own little language.  Oh how I wish I knew what you were saying.

You absolutely love the animals.  Each morning when we let out the dogs and collect eggs, you say "hiii!" and "thank you" to the chickens for their eggs, unprompted - & each time, I melt.  You constantly hug & kiss the dogs, and try to love on the antisocial cats as well.  You don't have a 'lovey' per se, but some of your favorite toys are balls, your wooden kitchen, a stuffed monkey, and a giant pooh bear.  You also LOVE reading - some nights we read a dozen books before bed!  Music is still another fav of yours as well.  You're constantly rocking your head and dancing.  This week you've discovered 'the hokey pokey' and love sticking your belly in and out, then go in circles while giggling uncontrollably.  It's the best thing to witness ever!


You are still a little squirt for your age.  I believe you were 23 lbs at your 18 month well visit, and 31 inches tall.  I think sometimes you look younger than you are, hence the reason you get so many "awwww" and "oh my goodness!" when we're out and about and you're walking, talking, etc (plus you're cute, duh!).

You're eating three meals a day, with plenty of snacks in between.  You got out of your meat phase at about 14 months, and now are loving the carbs (another mom trait).  I still try to give you nourishing food for each meal, but sometimes you just won't have it - I swear your food preferences change day by day!  Some of your favorites are blueberry, corn, banana, pasta, toast, plain yogurt, kefir, chicken, and every so often you'll surprise me by eating veggies.  I will always be there to push the veggies, my love. ;)  You're also nursing still, and show no signs of quitting (nor do you like any other forms of milk).


Sleep.  Oh dear sleep!  You aren't so fond of sleeping soundly since about 18 months.  I think you're a bit frustrated with my low milk supply these days, and you're not filling up your belly as much before bed.  So of course now you want to nurse, nurse, nurse all night long.  I try late dinners, lots of liquids but you're still just wanting mom.  I'm happy to be here for you but want you to get a good nights rest (and me too!).  I think after we get back from Europe next month we'll work together to get you to wean from the boob at night, so we can all be more rested during the day.  Hopefully by the next letter you're sleeping like a baby (ha, ha).



Oh Hazel, I love watching you grow up.

Love,

Your momma (or as you call me while enunciating the 'o', "mom")

And now for some slightly unbelievable & wonderful news:

Posted on | September 10, 2013 | 5 Comments

Flashback Friday: February 2012 & sleep regression

Posted on | September 6, 2013 | 2 Comments

My excuses for lousy blogging:

Posted on | March 26, 2013 | 2 Comments

I officially started working 'per diem' this week at the hospital - meaning I pick up shifts when & how much I want.  It's great to have the flexibility but also a bit nerve wracking when there isn't particular shifts available!  But if it leads to us having dinner more than twice a month as a family together (Hazel's entire first year), I'm IN!


I start training at the nurse midwifery birth center this week.  I'm especially excited about this since it is the birth center where Hazel was born!  I absolutely love the whole approach birth centers take regarding maternity and labor care, and I feel like this journey is absolutely right for me.  It's going to be a lot of call (24 hour stretches) so that makes me a bit nervous but the excitement overpowers that.

Hazel is walking - no, running - all over the place!  She's finally pretty steady but I still have to watch her every move to avoid constant head bonks.  Hardwood floors and stairs aren't very baby friendly, duh.  Why don't we think of these things when buying/remodeling a house?



We have baby chicks - well, pullets now - they are 5 weeks old this week.  Our remaining four girls are  going to be in for a surprise very soon!  H loves to check on the chicks each day, calling them "ducks" and laughing when they get spooked by her.

I'm planning a trip back home to Michigan in July, with just H and myself.  It's my high school reunion and despite never planning on attending I think it would be nice to see my core group of friends and obviously see my family as well.  I'm already trying to plan the logistics of traveling alone with an 16 month old, however...

I keep wanting to get my raised beds weeded & start planning for gardening but I am slightly apprehensive.  Last year my gardens were embarrassing. I simply didn't put the time into them being a new mom, and we don't get very much sunlight here so what I do get is always lackluster.  Hoping to get more excited about them this year!  Anyone have any good veggies/herbs they recommend for partial sun areas?

We've been getting out to some local hikes here & there, and we've also started geocaching.  We read about the Eugene Cascades & Cost Geotour in our local paper & it's been fantastic getting out to some backdoor hikes & learning the art of geocaching.  Have you tried it?

This moment: friendship

Posted on | March 22, 2013 | 3 Comments

A letter: 13 months

Posted on | March 4, 2013 | 2 Comments

Sweet baby Hazel,

My oh my, you are OVER a year old already!  A lot of people in public have been asking me how old you are, and I can't say '13 months,' I've just been saying 'she just turned a year.'  But soon you'll be 14, 15, 16 months.  I know this sounds repetitive but how is that possible?

I wished I had written a letter to you for your 12 month milestone, but the household was busy with your Italian cousins/aunt visiting, and your first sickness.  Yes my dear, you woke up on your birthday with you first fever.  The fever was on and off for a week, you were pretty miserable for two weeks, then your cough lasted the entire month of February!  But my love, you were such a trooper.  On top of having rsv you had your molars come in but you still found time to smile, dance, and cuddle with us.  You've always been such an easy going & happy spirit.

You are also talking up a storm!  You've been saying gus, dog, and dada for months now, but your most recent words are duck, mom, milk (mik), mmmm, cat (dat), chicken (ick), and eddie.  You also howl when we ask 'what does a wolf say?' and smack your lips when we ask what a fish does.  Two of my other favorite things you do is make a 'rarrrr!' sound when we ask what monsters say, and you pant like a dog when we ask what dogs do.  It's simply amazing to see you learn these things in just a matter of a day or two - I am loving this stage, seeing you grow and flourish!


You still love the outdoors and anything to do with animals (why do you think we had a woodland theme for your birthday?).  You hug each of our pets before bed (all while saying "awwww"), and last night you even wanted to hug the new baby chicks.  Often when we are hiking outside you simply squeal with delight in your pack as you look into the forest or the running stream.  Good thing because I think you're in for a lot of outdoor time with a mom and dad like us... :)


You're still a bit of a squirt - you were 19 lbs at your 1 year well visit (20th percentile) and 27 inches tall (10th percentile).  I guess that makes sense since neither your daddy or I are very big!  I think your size makes it even cuter to see you walking around, since you look so young at times!