Michigan & my heart

Posted on | July 17, 2013 | 5 Comments

A week ago I returned from a trip home to Upper Michigan. It was a trying visit filled with family drama, major fights, and a teething toddler with a 102 degree fever the first few days. Not one person in my family invited me to stay with them, have dinner in their homes, or really even see me (all because they don't like my mom). And did I mention I traveled alone? Six plane rides is a bit much for one mama and her crazy yet lovely girl. I've spent the last week trying not to dwell or hold grudges, but to remember the good parts of the visit. The dancing, laughing, the reunion, old friends, my sister, and the beach. Ahh the beach, I probably would've gone crazy without her.

Oh Upper Michigan, you'll always have my heart.

I'm just not sure I'll be seeing you for a while.

Category: Family , Michigan , Travel

Flashback Friday: December 2006

Posted on | November 30, 2012 | No Comments

I've been getting into the holiday spirit a bit early this year - must be something with starting a family that makes the joy in the holidays really shine through. Last year, very largely pregnant, I felt the same way. The years before while struggling with infertility, not so much.

But alas, I'm getting off topic. Above is a picture from '06, the year before I moved to Oregon. We were in Iron River, MI celebrating my mother's birthday. I somehow woke up for sunrise (I am not a morning person, even now) and snapped this photo with a simple point and shoot. This year I'm finding myself a bit nostalgic for snow. I didn't think I'd miss it moving here but it never feels quite right not having snow for the holidays.

Did you grow up with snow? If not, did it feel odd? I often wonder if Hazel will long for snow like I am, or if she'll simply not know. Please share if so inclinded!

Category: flashback friday , Michigan

On choices made

Posted on | November 13, 2012 | 5 Comments

My sister has come & gone, and I have been left feeling slightly sad and homesick (although home now feels like Oregon, hmph?!). We spent a majority of the week simply hanging out around the house, talking, and playing with Hazel. We also took my sister to the coast, as it was her first time ever seeing an ocean. Here are a few photos of our phenomenal week:

Visiting Heceta Head lighthouse & the haunted keeper's house!

Sea lions, SO loud!

Dancing with Aunt Jamie

Sisters!

Local seafood for lunch

This photo cracks me up!

I went 'out' for the first time!

I've spent my week so far reminiscing about her visit, looking at photos & re-telling stories. I honestly feel as if I belong and thrive in Oregon, and I don't often feel sad about being so far away from family. But every once in a while it hits me: we're alone out here, just our little family of three. Our family is magical and so so so fulfilling - but we won't be spending the holidays laughing around a large table filled with crazy Burklund ladies in Michigan, getting to know our nieces and nephew in Italy, or seeing a set of grandparents regularly in Washington. We made that choice, and I just have to accept that.

To my other blog friends with family oh so far away - how do you cope with family so far away, especially with the upcoming holiday season?

Category: Family , Michigan , Oregon , Photography

Flashback Friday: October 31st, 1993

Posted on | November 2, 2012 | 3 Comments

My sister (far left), myself (center-left), & two of our neighbors trick or treating

My friend & fellow blogger Mel came up with this great idea to post a picture from your past on Fridays, called Flashback Friday. I've been getting a bit burned out on 'this moment' so I thought I'd join for a little while - what a fun idea! Join us if you'd like!

I just received this picture in the mail the other day from my mother. We were trick or treating at the apartment complex I grew up in, probably because there was a snow storm or it was freezing outside (notice my fashionable blue jean jacket). I was usually either a cat or pocahontas as you see above... & my sister was usually a clown or a witch. Thinking back, I'm not sure why we didn't get more creative? I remember simply loving my costumes & believing I looked fabulous in them!

Did you have a reoccurring costume you'd wear year after year? What was the weather like in your neck of the woods? I hear that it rains most Halloweens here - I'd almost take snow over that!

Category: childhood , flashback friday , Michigan

This moment: generations

Posted on | May 4, 2012 | 4 Comments

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama

Category: Michigan , this moment

On grieving

Posted on | April 27, 2012 | 10 Comments

I promised I'd update this week, but dear friends, it has been a hard week. My wonderful, beautiful grandmother passed away on Wednesday afternoon. She was 89 years old but you never would have guessed it with how much spunk and life she had.

We're flying back to Michigan in about 7 hours.

One minute I'm crying, and then without realizing it I smile, remembering so many fantastic memories. However I fear her death hasn't really set in being so far away. We're especially hoping for a good travel/trip for Hazel. She has been exceptionally fussy today; picking up on moms vibes I'd have to think.

I'll update when we get back next week.

xoxo,

April

Category: Loss , Michigan

Upper Peninsula

Posted on | September 29, 2011 | No Comments

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. It included six am flights, conversations with my grandmother, and layovers nearly resulting in a night spent in San Franciso with our poor boy Gus at home awaiting a potty break. Since getting back on Friday I've worked so much barely I could catch a potty break. Until today.

Where've I been? Home. The upper peninsula of Michigan, well she's a crafty one. She welcomed us with sleet and a balmy 29 degrees as we pulled into my mother's parking lot. The chill throughout the week reminded me of mornings spent with just lake Michigan and a cup of coffee, marching band with fresh frost on the grass. It felt odd, like forgetting the words to your favorite song.

Her colors were changing, a whole season ahead of us. I spent a lot of time behind the lens, capturing the UP I once knew so well. She was foreign, with her wind howling and her wildlife greeting me at every milepost. I visited an island I once knew as a child, the beach I caught my first fish at. I witnessed a couple say their vows under a cherry tree in an apple orchard; the only wedding I've been to that nearly matched my own. One of my favorite moments was spent at a two hundred year old cemetery with my sister and our other halves, somehow calmed by graves that have seen far more than any of us.

Looking back, I am grateful for my trip. There were lessons learned regarding many of my family members; arguments lost and hugs that may be the last. But mother UP does not judge or envy, she simply cools the air and conjures up nostalgia I didn't know I had.

She will always be home.

Category: autumn , Michigan , Nature , vacation

A reminder of home

Posted on | November 25, 2010 | 1 Comment

It's been snowing 'round these parts,

& oh how it makes me feel odd.

It's like it doesn't quite belong;

foreign,

yet so incredibly

comforting.
Old man winter is welcome
nonetheless.

A post on being thankful to commence...

Category: Michigan , Oregon

Inspire

Posted on | March 23, 2010 | 4 Comments

April '05: the snow was melting & the sun never stopped rising. We walked to lake superior, not hiding a thing in our back pockets or dark minds. We touched hands while trekking the lighthouse break wall. I told him of my dream to photograph distant lands, heal, and write. I told him of my hurt. He told me of the realities of his long life & I only wished I had been there. We wrote short stories and poetry for one another, played guitar while sipping ale. He said I inspired him to be a better man; and he in turn inspired me.

But lately I've been thinking, what once inspired him? I need to remember these things, to keep check with myself. Adult life is too precise, too planned. I miss the dreamer I once was.

So here is what I know, what I remember:

I love to feel every moment, to never take life for granted. I am serene while in the presence of nature, like the mankind exists simply for this sensation.

And can my dear B fathom when I am with him not only my mind but my body is serene; he is my lake & I want to swim and watch the sun rise & fall on his waters, to build a life here. I fear I don't express that. Does he recall that music is a powerful part of who I am? I have been shaped by various artists & notes. I just close my eyes, smile, and connect. I always will.

Here is one thing I have forgotten, and is a bit of a secret: I will always turn to writing. I have notebooks full of who I am, pain and joy down to the core. I am a mess of metaphors & analogies, and I would like to share this part of me with him. I don't want to lose it.

And my dreams. Oh, my dear dreams. I want to experience other cultures, to help those with nothing, to feed children, to make others smile. I want to educate the underprivledged in South America, to treat pregnant mothers with AIDS in Africa, to dance and speak another tongue. I want to photograph these adventures.

I just want us remember who I am - my hopes, dreams, and truths. I am this strong woman with an old soul & a young body. I strive to always gain knowledge and to appreciate even the most trivial, mundane parts of daily life. I love nature & music, and you can bet that I will forever be a dreamer. And last but certainly not least, I am happy to share this life with someone who gets the girl on the breakwall. This complex but so simple woman, me.

Category: Michigan , Thoughts

Yesteryear

Posted on | February 14, 2010 | 2 Comments

Seven years ago I was at a Pizza Hut.

Romantic , isn't it?

I devoured the bread sticks

and saved the pizza for him.

We took the rickity white cadillac

to the lighthouse,

and watched the sun set
while sharing a giant
hershey kiss.

It's so juvenile looking back. But the funny thing is, I can't remember any particular Valentines Day after this.

Category: Michigan , Thoughts

Nostalgia

Posted on | January 18, 2010 | 1 Comment

I'm feeling nostalgic lately. Thinking of Michigan, my family. Thinking of people I once knew, folks I have forgotten. There's something about home that just feels right. I know I don't belong there in this chapter of my life but I can feel it calling, begging for a return however short it may be.

This man with the initials G.O. from my hometown thought of me. He passed away in November unexpectedly, & here I am unaware yet in his will. I'm lost - completely consumed with questions of where he met me and how I made an impact on his life. Perhaps he was an regular at a diner I worked at; indulging in our bitter black coffee the old folks raved about. Maybe he was at my high school graduation many years ago, listening to the black haired girl give the valedictorian speech but not getting the credit. I'm sorry I can't remember you, dear friend, but you have encrypted a corner of my mind.

I want to go home and just drive. A majority of my teenage years were spent driving aimlessly to chilly beaches and old lighthouses. These drives would usually involve mountain dew & loud music, artists that molded me into who I am now. I brought cousins and boyfriends, best friends & my sister. But most of the time I drove myself, hoping each time my little Ford would make the trek to nowhere. Oh, but it was somewhere to me.

I love you Oregon, but January just isn't the same without a blizzard or two.

Category: Michigan , Oregon , Photography , Thoughts

Lovely Little Trees

an aesthetic voyager drawn to the wild, my sweet family along for the ride