Changing personas

Posted on | August 19, 2012 | 4 Comments

The other night I received a text message.  It started out asking, 'did you know you post a photo of Hazel almost every day?  Seriously?'  It continued to say that she can't have babies (news to me, and quite unbelievable) and it asked how I would feel (ps: she knows the years of infertility I went through).  About a half an hour later it stated 'it seems like you have morphed into a psycho obsessive mother, but whatever, peace out.'  I didn't receive any of these until the next morning, and when I did, I was aghast.  I replied to her that I'm sorry she can't have babies, and that I did go through three years of infertility yet never said such mean and hateful things to my friends that were starting families.  I was always happy for them, even through the pain.  It hurt me to the core to know my happiness made her feel such anger.

You see, I don't know if it's me or them, but things have changed.  Members of my family with their blame and there sadness, a few friends that don't quite understand me anymore.  I've slowly figured out that these people that have separated themselves from me, they are all unhappy in one way or another.  The above mentioned 'friend' got a divorce two years ago and moved off to Alaska with a boy she barely knows.  Others have similar stories.  And me?  I've changed, of course.  I'm in a pretty constant state of happiness, mixed with only a bit of mama bear paranoia (hah).  I'm so fulfilled.  My life does not belong to only me anymore.

And I find myself thinking, was I ever this mean?  I certainly went through sadness, and jealousy, but I'd like to think hatred wasn't such an integral a part of me.  Next my thoughts move to what do I do?  My first instinct is to remove these people from my life completely.  My above friend wrote a very cold text apology 24 hours later, and then phoned the next day with a slightly more sincere apology via voicemail blaming it on alcohol.  I haven't replied to either, I simply don't know what to say and quite honestly don't want to say anything at all.  Yet I feel bad about this.  I want to be there for others in pain, but not if they only want to bring me down.

So tell me, have you lost friends or family members post-baby or post-any change in life?  Do you have any relationships you struggle with, yet fight to keep?  I'd love to hear some stories or advice.

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