Be present
Posted on | June 18, 2012 | 6 Comments
I sat down last week and started a post on being present. I wrote a short paragraph and something happened, perhaps the baby whined or B called, I can't quite remember anymore.
You see, I'm having a hard time balancing motherhood, being a good wife, daughter, employee, and also following my own interests (such as, ahem, blogging). Both my husband and myself grew up in slightly dysfunctional families, and getting together with them lately has brought our spirits down. I feel horrible about this, and it only makes me feel stronger about being present in Hazel's life, something which neither B or I truly had consistently while growing up.
What's left of my energy is put into my career, my home/animals, and then finally me. I usually have an hour or two at night after Hazel goes to sleep in which I can catch up on house work, bills, care for the animals and myself of course. Most nights I regret staying up a little later when H wakes up at 7 am (after a lovely 3-5:30 wake up - rare but twice this week she's done this, think due to teething). B often gets up with her since I nurse her a few times throughout the night (thank you!). My garden this year is alive but not something to brag about, and my plan to exercise daily has succeeded one day in the last two weeks (unless you count bouncing around a teething baby - talk about biceps!).
I feel as if I've rambled off topic. I suppose my main point and/or question is how to be present in the lives of your child, spouse, and home and still leaving energy for yourself?
I truly hope this post doesn't come off as complaining; I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, hands down. There truly isn't a minute that goes by without me feeling so grateful to be blessed with a healthy child and loving husband. I just want to be there for them, and take care of myself along the way.
Ideas? Or is this simply the initiation into motherhood?
Comments
- April
- I am a RN & natural momma in the Pacific Northwest, married to a beautiful man I adore. Nature is my niche, animals get me. I read and I write, I hike and I love photography. Welcomed our daughter Hazel Annan earthside in February 2012 after three years of infertility & our second miracle daughter Juniper Louise in April 2014.
June 18, 2012 at 10:15 PM
I have been struggling with this, too. My husband's job requires him to work like a mad man for certain months out of every year or so. I'm talking 70-80 hours a week, 6 days a week. He's never home and when he is, he is usually working or sleeping. So although I'm loving the stay at home mom thing, I really get tired: emotionally, mentally, physically. I feel like my marriage could use a little TLC and Clara needs more daddy time, too. Then there's the "me" stuff. I want so badly to work on my talents and learn new skills, but it's really tough! I never have anyone to take the baby and even if I did, I just want to sleep!
All that said... I don't have much advice for you. For me, I am trying harder to prioritize. I am also looking forward to November when I will have my husband back...
June 19, 2012 at 10:28 AM
this post spoke right to my heart, as you probably already knew it would! :) i am struggling with these very same issues... even though the babies are with me at work, i have to spend a lot of time actually doing work and watching them from afar...i wonder if i'll look back and kick myself for not completely immersing myself in them at this time in their lives. at the same time, i think about the reality of having 100% of my life be them and i don't think i could be totally happy. i am still trying to find a way to spread myself around in the best way... i, most often, leave myself for last, just like you do. the time i have for myself is usually after b and the babies are asleep and by that time i'm exhausted. all of this to say, i think this is motherhood...i'm seven months in and still haven't quite figured out a good balance! if you do, can you let me in on your secret?? :)
xo, em
June 19, 2012 at 11:57 AM
That's a tough one and I am struggling with it too, mostly after having my second baby... Yes, our babies are the most important thing ever, but we really have to look after our marriage and ourselves. This means that, at some point, we have to give up a little of the baby time and dedicate it to a night out with the husband or a walk in the mall to buy some nice clothes or blogging, like you said. And I think this does not come naturally. We really have to force it to happen or it won't. And I'm sure that, in the long run, it's best for the baby if the parents are in balance and happy, even if it means a little less mommy time. ;)
June 21, 2012 at 12:17 PM
what a hard thing! especially b/c you end up working such opposite schedules. we are very lucky in the sense that we do so much of our work from home, but honestly, our schedules still end up being "opposite" b/c one of us is always chasing 3 little boys around! i try and think of this as the season of our marriage where it is more functional just due to all of the energy we have to put into growing a family and businesses. not very romantic but that's the way it is. i also think having time for yourself is very important--sometimes i think that i can be a better mom and wife if i have some dedicated time for myself...but it sure is tricky to find!
June 29, 2012 at 3:58 PM
Hi April!
I can relate to this so much! I'm going to e-mail you so I don't write a book on here. :)
July 1, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Oh April I can so relate to this. Although I am mostly a stay at home mama aside from my Etsy shop and teaching a childrens art class one day a week, I am struggling too.
My husband just accepted a job that requires him to be gone for five day stretches and I am having a hard time giving all three of my children the attention they need. They are all at such different stages of childhood with such different needs I am feeling very inadequate. I feel I simply can not always When my husband gets back in to town for the weekend, he wants me to go out and do stuff alone and get a break, but I want us to be together as a family for the only two days we can. I am finding it hard to take time for myself, even thought after being the only parent to three all week I am so wiped out.
ack. It is so hard. As moms I think we always put our children first even when we know we should be taking care of ourselves too. But is easier said that done isn't it. Big hugs to you Mama, your not alone.