Christmas Spirit

Posted on | December 19, 2009 | 2 Comments

My pants have been a wee bit tight these days. And no, before I begin, it is not the holiday pounds everyone talks about to excuse their annual overindulging extravaganza. It's just simply me. I am slowly losing control, a common personality trait I have recently acquired.

I have lost control of my thoughts as well. Oh lordy the things I think about others in my head, particularily at work. My temporary charge nurse is a fucking demon; if she only knew what I thought of her. I guess it is self control, in a sense, that I don't blurt these thoughts out loud.

I notice that I can sleep much more than I need to if left unattended. Eating healthy has never been harder, and exercise is a joke. My poor body is writhing, aching for the old April. Please feed me some greens.

I have lost control of my want, my desire. I am an odd woman, never seeing daylight, waking shortly before sunset. I am the new girl people shrug their shoulder to at work. The black sheep of the family that Michigan just wasn't good enough for. The time bomb of a wife that poor B has to tiptoe around.

And this job, this insane job leaves me unfulfilled & stressed out. Routine may just be the end of me.

However, this is reality - I am healthy, have a great paying job in a tough economy, a happy marriage, a roof over my head, food to eat. I see homeless folks on a daily basis, a reminder of what I have. I am simply a hormonal, infertile woman. And it's killing me.

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