This moment: tie dye love

Posted on | April 13, 2012 | 3 Comments

Projects

Posted on | April 9, 2012 | 6 Comments

I was just recently telling a friend how my blogging has taken a backseat to mothering this little soul we've made.  She fabulously responded that she too did that, and that's the way it should be.  It took the pressure off, simply put.  Thank you Taryn!

This moment: 2 months

Posted on | April 6, 2012 | 4 Comments

Gratitude Sunday

Posted on | April 1, 2012 | 3 Comments

This moment + a quote

Posted on | March 23, 2012 | 4 Comments

Gratitude Sun... Err, Monday!

Posted on | March 19, 2012 | 6 Comments

A letter

Posted on | March 12, 2012 | 5 Comments

Sweet sweet Hazel,

You are going to be 6 weeks old on Wednesday - I can hardly believe it!  I feel like it was just yesterday that I pulled you into my arms, that amazing moment your daddy and I first laid eyes on you.  But at the same time I feel as if you've been with us all along; I truly can't imagine life without you.

If I were to guess, I'd say you're close to 9 lbs or more.  You're chunking up in the cutest of places - you're cheeks and belly, to name a couple.  And you sure are getting tall!  I've noticed that when we put you in the ergo or bjorn your head is way higher than it was just a week or two ago.  You already aren't fitting in a majority of your newborn clothing!


You have been smiling more and more everyday.  I first noticed little smiles when you were about 3.5 weeks old, and now they are more predicable & and we're learning what brings them on.  A kiss on the belly, and wide smile or yawn by momma or daddy.  There is nothing that brings me more joy than to see you smile.

This moment: first smiles

Posted on | March 9, 2012 | 6 Comments

This moment: bliss

Posted on | February 24, 2012 | 6 Comments

To birth a soul

Posted on | February 20, 2012 | 11 Comments

Before I begin, let me tell you a little bit about myself (if you didn't know already). I'm a labor and delivery nurse in a hospital setting. I chose to deliver in a free standing birth center with midwives. I received many odd looks when I told people this (and of course, others were supportive).  I think hospital births are right for some women - high risk women/babies, unforeseen labor complications, or simply a woman who desires it for her own personal reasons.  I also think a home or birth center birth is  an amazing (& sadly underused) choice for others.  But regardless of where you choose to deliver, I'm a big believer in the importance of preparing for childbirth.  Whether this is via a class, personal reading, or simply talking to another woman who put emphasis and preparation into her birth.  I chose a birth program called hypnobabies; teaching the importance of deep relaxation/hypnoanesthesia and positive thinking throughout your pregnancy and birthing time.

I had been visualizing my birthing time often in the final weeks of pregnancy.  In these daydreams I always went into labor at night and quietly worked through it at home for several hours.  I imagined getting to the birth center around 7 cm dilated and taking a jacuzzi bath throughout transformation (what many people call 'transition').  I pictured the actual birth around sunrise in a squatting position, my beautiful baby coming out pink and wailing.  My birth attendants were B, a nurse, and the midwife (a particular midwife named Patricia, who I asked to be on call for us - she was going out of town the day after my due date, however).

Throughout my 39'th week I had many 'practice waves' (what most people call braxton hicks) but never anything to get excited about.  The day before my due date, January 31'st, we didn't have a whole lot planned.  B and I took a walk with the dogs, and he left for work around 2 pm.  One of my pregnant friends (with the same due date!) and I decided to go for a light hike.  Her and I walked through the woods talking about what we were most excited for regarding our births.  My response was the moment the baby is handed into my arms, and also seeing B's response.  Throughout the hike I had many pressure waves (contractions), but again the same as I had been experiencing off and on for the last 2-3 weeks so I didn't think anything of it.  After our hike we went to a local thai restaurant, both ordering spicy dishes and laughing at how cliche we were (ie: "spicy food made me go into labor").  I went home around 7:30 pm and was pleasantly surprised to find my husband home (he normally gets home from work around midnight).  He told me that he got to work and they were overstaffed, so his coworkers all voted he go home since his wife was due tomorrow.  He happily accepted!

Around 8 pm I called my mom, and she excitedly asked "where are you!?"  I told her I was home and nothing was happening, and not to hold her breath since I could easily go to 41 weeks being my first baby.  Around 9 o'clock B put in a movie.  Shortly after the movie started I started feeling exhausted, and had this immense feeling that I needed to rest.  Normally we don't go to be until at least 12:30 since we both work evening shift, so it was odd that I felt so tired.  I stayed downstairs and rested my eyes on the couch while B finished the movie.  We headed to bed by around 11:30 pm, and I noticed my hubby had all of our packed bags by the door.  I laughed and asked him why he did this, and he said he thought she was coming soon.  I shrugged my shoulders, not thinking much of this.  Shortly after I fell asleep listening to a hypnobabies track, my nightly ritual since 31 weeks.

I awoke almost three hours later (again, on my due date!) at about 2:15 am feeling as if my period was going to start.  I got up and emptied my bladder, then got back into bed.  I quickly realized that the 'period' feeling was pressure waves, much more intense than any of the practice waves I had had the throughout the last weeks of my pregnancy.  I looked at the clock at 2:30 am and thought to myself, my baby is going to be born today!  I layed there smiling, breathing through each wave, and noticed they were about 4-6 minutes apart.  Hypnobabies stresses the importance of resting during your early birthing time, so I put on one of my CD's called 'birthing day affirmations' and tried to fall back to sleep.  I'm not sure if I actually fell asleep.  I do know at one point things were getting more intense, so I switched the track to another script designed to play in active labor.  By about 3:45-4:00 am I noticed the pressure waves were incredibly strong in my lower back.  I was hoping that my baby was in the correct position - OA, or facing my back.  Often 'back labor' happens when the baby is OP, or facing forward.  I immediately decided to get up and try new positions such as hands and knees or just walking around the house.  The pressure was too intense to rest.  I thought about waking B or calling my midwife, but I wanted them to get as much rest as possible.  So at about 4 am I wandered around the house, turned on a mix of songs I picked for my birthing time, and got into hands and knees often to take the pressure off my back.  I snacked on a banana and hydrated, and I watched my animals.  Each animal in the house was interested but appeared a bit nervous, too.  One cat and one dog in particular followed my every move.

At 4:50 am I went to the bathroom.  I didn't see any bloody show.  While on the toilet I felt so much pressure in my back and bottom, I had to immediately get into hands and knees on the bathroom floor.  I was finding it a bit hard to use my hypnobabies techniques with the sudden increased intensity.  I decided to wake B up.

I didn't want to startle my husband, so at 5:00 I quietly whispered in B's ear, 'I think the baby is coming today.'  B didn't quite wake up and he mumbled something incomprehensible.  I then realized that I should let him know she is coming today, which I said, and he quickly awoke and excitedly said "for real?!"  He asked if we should time them.  I told him I didn't really think we need to, but we did anyways.  They were 2-3 minutes apart.  He asked if we should call the midwife - I told him we should wait a bit longer (my favorite midwife, Patricia just happened to be on call!).  He jumped in the shower and I asked him to leave it on for me.  The shower was so enjoyable!  I let the warm water run down my back while bending forward.  B noticed I was becoming a somewhat vocal with the pressure waves by about 5:15.  He again said he thought we should call the midwife.  I was hesitant, nervous it was too early, but I had him call the paging service while I remained in the shower.  While we waited for her to call I decided to check myself (it's the nurse in me I suppose).  I very carefully checked myself while squatting in the shower - I immediately felt my bag of water bulging through the cervix, and I guessed I was around 5 cm dilated.  There was a lot of bloody show at this point, and I was completely surprised by how far along I was.

My midwife called back around 5:30, and B talked with her while I worked through my pressure waves.  She asked to talk with me at one point, and she asked if I felt ready to come in.  I told her I wasn't sure and that I didn't want to come in too early.  We agreed I'd update her when I felt it was time.  She also mentioned how relaxed I sounded, so she thought it was fine I wait at home if I wanted.

I remained in the shower until 5:45 or so, then I decided to lay down in bed on my side to make sure the babe was still active.  Within a minute or two I felt her kicking, and I was very reassured.  I again got in a hands and knees position, and my husband starting providing great counter-pressure on my back/hips.  In between pressure waves he was letting the dogs out, feeding them, packing the car, bringing me snacks/water, etc.  My midwife called us for an update around 6:15'ish, and B told her we'd be leaving for the birth center within a half hour.  Time seemed to be going by very quickly, and I do remember feeling slightly nervous about the car ride since B couldn't help me with the back pressure while driving.

We left for the birth center by about 6:45 (it's a 20-25 minute drive there).  I got in a squatting/facing back position in the back seat of the car, occasionally getting into hands and knees as well.  I also put on a hypnobabies cd and focused on relaxing.  I remember being slightly annoyed by the bright headlights behind me; a lot of people seemed to be going into work at that time.  I remember laughing internally when I noticed some of the odd looks people were giving us - here I was facing all of the cars behind me, holding onto the dog gate in the back of our Subaru like an inmate.  It had to be an odd sight!  When we were about 5 minutes from the birth center, I noticed a bit of leaking and told B I thought my water had broken (it was 7:07, I looked at the clock haha).  I immediately started feeling rectal pressure and told B we should get there soon!

When we pulled in the parking lot I was having a pressure wave.  B was trying to help me out of the backseat and our midwife met us there as well.  As we were walking in I noticed another car pulling in the parking lot. I didn't realize this at the time but turns out another couple was in labor and accidentally delivered at home (her 2'nd baby).  The birth center only has 2 full birthing suites, and it's rare for two moms to labor simultaneously there (so needless to say, it must have been quite the morning for my midwife!).  We quickly walked into our birthing room and my midwife told us she'd be right back (she was helping the other couple - the placenta wasn't even out yet!).  I emptied my bladder and asked B to fill the tub.  I remember pacing the room a bit, and after 5 minutes or so I again felt a strong urge to push.  I told B we needed the midwife, and he went to get her (she was the only one there, the nurse was still on her way).  When my midwife came back in I was again in hands and knees on the bed.  I was starting to grunt with the pressure waves, and I felt as if I could't help it.  She immediately checked me and said "You're 9 centimeters, and there's still a bulging bag.  You can start pushing soon!"  She offered to break my bag, and I declined.  She also listened to the babies heart rate which was perfect.  Hearing her heart rate strong and steady gave me so much more energy!  My hubby continued to be my rock - providing great physical comfort with hip counter-pressure, and also keeping me focused on relaxation and my hypnobabies cues if he noticed I became tense.  He even taught the midwife my 'peace' cue - essentally saying the word 'peace' and directing relaxation/anesthesia to an area of discomfort on my body.  Both him and the midwife were chanting 'peace' at one point!

I'm not sure the timing of things after this.  I remember someone asking if I wanted to get in the tub (which was filled), but I declined - hands and knees just felt right.  At some point a nurse named Annie showed up.  They continued listening to the babies heart rate often, and I started pushing around 7:35.  There was a couple of times throughout pushing that the babies heart rate dropped slightly, so we tried different positions (left, right, etc).  The midwife also ended up breaking my water so I could push a bit more effectively.  There was light meconium in the fluid and I tried to stay in my bubble of peace and not worry.  After trying the new positions, I told the midwife I needed to get in hands and knees or squat in the bed.  We noticed the babies heart rate stayed stronger once I got into these positions, and the baby was moving down well (yay for listening to my body!).  I also used a lot of open glottis pushing (remembering Ina Mays sphincter law!), which felt right.

I will never forget hearing my midwife say, "on the next push you're going to have a baby!"  I remember being slightly annoyed by this and thinking she was fibbing - how could I have a baby if I'm not even crowning/feeling the 'ring of fire' as people so often talk about?  Sure enough, I put my hand back towards my perineum and my babies head was right there!  This gave me so much strength and encouragement, I was so excited to meet her!  On the next pressure wave, just as my midwife said, I pushed her out here head and she started wailing before her body was even delivered. I quickly delivered the rest of her body and the midwife handed her to me from behind (I was still in squat/hands and knees position).  My husband and I immediately started laughing and crying, and he said my first words were "Look at her hair!  I love her soooo much!"  Hazel Annan Christopher was finally here, born at 8:26 am - it was the most amazing, beautiful moment of my life!  The two photos below was snapped just minutes after she was born.

Our recovery period was wonderful.  Hazel stayed skin to skin for three hours before we even weighed her.  During this time she breastfed amazingly, and even daddy got some skin to skin time in later while mom ate the breakfast that our wonderful friend and fellow hypnomama/hypnobabies instructor Krystle brought us!  We also called our families and told them - they were elated.  She was weighed on an old school brass scale, coming it at 6 lb 14 ounces (same as dad was!), 19 1/4 inches long, 13 inch head.  My labor was around six hours long, which includes 49 minutes of pushing.  I was amazed at how close my birth came to how I visualized it - the only thing different was I got there at 9 cm (not 7), and I didn't use the jacuzzi.  We went home at 3 pm, just over six hours after she was born.  Below are photos from our recovery at the beautiful birth center.