I didn't post a picture yesterday due to a wind storm & our power going out, so I will include 2 pictures in this post.  Unfortunately I'm having a hard time feeling very cheery the last few days (as I'm sure many of you feel as well).   I feel guilty going about the holidays, listening to cheerful music & giving gifts.  It just seems weird & wrong even though I know that's not the case.  

I simply want to hold baby H & never let her go. A favorite blogger of mine wrote this excerpt below; it's something I can't bear to write let alone think about, but she is so right:

"i just can't get over the idea of starting the day with a baby and ending it without. i can't imagine losing huck so quickly, so horribly. it makes it hard to breathe. i know it happens every day, quietly, though loudly as could be for those in pain. we lose babies we've had for decades and we lose babies we've had for years and we lose babies we've carried only in secret a few weeks. our babies are not promises. sometimes it feels like nothing is."

I guess I'm just saying that I'm scared.

I'm scared of raising a child in a world where it's unsafe to go to the mall, or the movie theater.  Church, and even an elementary school.  I want her to see beauty, love, and peace.  I want to shield her from all that's so horrible and evil in this world.

But for now, I will focus on what I have.

A healthy, happy, full of life child.

A wonderful husband.

Supportive & lovely family.

Love to share.

One Response to “ December 16/17, a note on loss ”

1. 
   Heidi
   December 19, 2012 at 11:24 PM

   I keep thinking of those sweet children, and their parents and my heart is just broken. May they find peace ...somehow.

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